The Countess

Ghosts And Sex, Anyone?

Who you gonna call? This is something you don't hear every day:

Two Women Report Ghost Has Been Having Sex With Them

At 4:02 p.m. April 10, two women went into the Federal Way police station claiming that over the past two years, a paranormal person has been placing sensors on their bodies and visiting them in their house at 28600 block of 25th Place South. They said that the ghost has been having sexual intercourse with them. One woman said that these incidents started in Kent and continued when she moved here. The other woman said that this just started now.

Some of my erotic short stories involve ghosts and sex, and I have heard of people who claim to have been raped by ghosts (think of the movie "The Entity"), but this is the first time I've seen news coverage of such a thing.

This picture covers the issue so well:

F Cup Chocolate Cookie - Eat Your Way To Bigger Boobs!!!

I talk about another strange sex product at Nuts4chic this week. You've seen herbal supplements that supposedly make your dick bigger. You've seen the spray-on condoms in a previous Nuts4chic article. This one, however, really takes the cake. Pun intended.

I'm talking about the F Cup Chocolate Cookie. I first learned of this cookie at the sex blog AlexSuze. The cookie comes in both original flavor and new chocolate flavor. The original is below.

Here is an excerpt from my article. Click on the above link to read the whole thing.

I was browsing sex blogs when I ran across mention of the F Cup Chocolate Cookie at AlexSuze.com

I have seen some bizarre products, and I've reported on a few of them for nuts4chic, including spray-on condoms and the Hello Kitty vibrator.

I have never seen chocolate cookies that supposedly give you bigger boobs.

I found a web site that sells the F Cup boob cookies. They're available at the Purple Lady's Collection. These cookies are supposed to be best sellers in Japan. That doesn't surprise me, since Japan is the same place that sells schoolgirl's panties in vending machines. The Hello Kitty Vibrator is also from Japan. There seems to be lots of kink in Japan, from what I've discovered.

Go to the link at the top of this article to read the rest!

Help Out A Really Great Site

Go to my left sidebar, and click on the new graphic for Doingfine.org. It's new. I've been posting over there, and it's a great little site. They're looking for readers and posters. It's a site about the good things in life, and it's great to find something like that on the web, as opposed to the usual Emo bitching about life.

Head on over and give your support!

Doingfine.org

I added a graphic for the new web site "doingfine.org" on my left sidebar. Are you doing fine in your professional and personal life? Want to talk about how you got there? Want to be a positive influence on others? Then check out "doingfine.org". It looks like a great web site to me.

The Perfect Sex Toy For P. Z. Myers

P. Z., this post shows that I'm thinking of you on Valentine's Day.

I found the perfect sex toy for P. Z. Myers - The Screaming Octopus. It's an adorable blue, silicone gel, waterproof vibrator shaped like an octopus. Perfect for those who love the many-legged critters.

So, does using one of these constitute tentacle sex?

Here's a glowing testimonial in favor of the adorable Screaming Octopus. Looks to me like Mrs. P. Z. would like this little guy.

Next, we brought the Screaming Octopus into play with Freddy. We were having an amorous evening, when Freddy brought out the Screaming Octopus to add some fun to our night of passion. As I was straddled across Freddy facing towards him, in one of our oversized comfy chair, I leaned back to let him place the mini octopus right along my clit, to add to my growing frenzy. As a vibrating tentacle barely touched my now swollen erogenous zone, I let out a gasp as my body trembled with exhilaration. Each time Freddy dangled the Screaming Octopus over my clitoris, letting the various arms tickle my clit, my body was building up to a crescendo. Finally, Freddy held me firmly on top of him while he put the main body of the vibe straight on me to make my body shudder as I hit that final note of ecstasy. The evening was a rousing success, since Freddy successfully got me to hit my pleasure zone while controlling the whole event.

Unusual And Tasteless Gifts For Valentine's Day

I'm a sucker for anything tasteless, which explains my penchant for watching Herschel Gordon Lewis movies. So, if you don't want to get your true love, mistress, lover, etc. the usual, boring teddy bear holding a heart-shaped balloon, try out these unusual gifts:

Nuts4chic - Valentines Day

Here are the gifts I list. Read the article for details.

1. Talking Vibrators

2. Vagina Couch

3. Pagan God Phallic Light Switch

4. For Her - A Subscription To The Online Game "Second Life"

5. Glow-In-The-Dark Roses or Chrysanthemums

6. Kama-Sutra Chocolates

I couldn't include all the tasteless and unusual gifts I found in the article because it would have been too long, so here are some others I found:

BABY JESUS BUTT PLUG:

http://www.divine-interventions.com/baby.php

Just when you thought you had seen everything, here comes the epitome of bad taste. Give it to your atheist lover for that special day. If your lover doesn't want to insert it because that is just so wrong, glue it to your car's dashboard.

GLOW-IN-THE-DARK KITTENS

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmVbmcp52ZU and http://www.presstv.ir/detail.aspx?id=34769§ionid=3510208

So you want to buy a kitty for your love. Why not opt for a kitten that glows in the dark? According to one article, "researchers in South Korea have cloned cats and modified one of their skin genes to appear red fluorescent under ultraviolet light."

Fun News Stories About Sex And Stuff

Feminists do it again - they are behind the drive to allow topless swimming at a swimming pool in northern Sweden. As one man said, "We're used to naked people. Nobody cares." It would be great if that kind of attitude existed in America. Women breastfeeling babies are given the hairy eye-ball in this country, and they are sometimes ordered to a restroom so that they don't "offend" anyone. I would not eat in a public restroom, and I don't expect to be told that a baby deserves to eat in such a place.

According to a survey by Gametart (I love that name), women who play video games have sex more often. Alright!! I haven't played games in awhile, but I have been curious about Second Life for several months now. Once I have a book or two ready to sell, which is only going to be a matter of time now, I would love to open a store in Second Life to sell my books. I also want that bed that simulates multiple sex acts. That game is so subversive it's been semi-bashed on TV shows like "CSI". Hey, free advertising!

Man boobs on flabby guys - bad. Pec implants to make the average sunken male chest look like Adonis's torso - good! More men are getting pec implants. I suppose that kind of rock-hard chest is harder to achieve with weightlifting and exercise, but what's with the war rhetoric? Here's a quote from the article: "A guy with a great chest looks like a warrior, wearing armor for battle. Nothing can penetrate that hull." There's also the not-so-subtle sexual innuendo with the word "penetrate". So maybe men are getting to be as neurotic about their bodies as women have been for aeons.

Tricky Dicky's is the first pole-dancing club to open in the UK that features male pole dancers who dance for a straight female clientele. Men are not allowed in, except for the nearly two dozen male dancers. Will straight women be drawn to such a club? I need to check on the first brothel in Las Vegas that caters to women. I wondered how that would work out, since it is men who traditionally pay for the services of a brothel. When I was in my early twenties, I was offered a pole dancing job at The Block in Baltimore. I was flattered that the owner thought I was attractive and sexy enough to pull that off, but I could never do something like that. I didn't like the "fringe benefits". Plus on The Block pole dancing seemed sleazy. Strippers manage to find me anyway, though. When I worked on an indie horror film in North Carolina, my makeup assistant worked nights as a stripper. She was a very good makeup assistant. I trained her. I knew she went on to work as a production assistant in local films. I don't know if she got more work in movies, but I always wished the best for her.

Own Your Own Vagina Couch!!

I read Craiglist to look for writing gigs, and lately I've been reading the Best Of Craigslist. I couldn't believe it when I saw this pink upholstered vagina couch for sale!! When I finally stopped snorting port up my nose from laughing so hard, I had to admit the thing is very well made. The owner made it in art school, and now she has to unload it. It's only $600.00, which is a good price to pay for a couch, even if it fits only one person and sucks you in like Vagina Sans-Dentata. I'd buy it if it went with my decor. Har! It's the perfect piece of furniture for an erotica writer. It even has a swollen clit!!!

Here are pictures. This thing is a riot.

OMG, Is This Funny!!

A colleague e-mailed this generator to me. It's a riot.

The Disease Mongering Engine - Why let the Big Pharma create new diseases just to hock their pills? You can create new diseases, too!! Just click on the button and generate a new one!

This generator must have known I am a sex writer, since this is the fake disease that came up for me the first time:

Paranoid Erectile Movement Dysfunction (PEMD)

PEMD is primarily characterized by extreme fear of persecution surrounding the unexpected and unplanned stimulation of sexual organs when engaged in physical movement.

I Don't Think We'll See A "Hello Kitty" Butt Plug Anytime Soon

So the folks at Hello Kitty want to create a line for guys? Who came up with that bright idea? Hello Kitty is a girl thang. I wonder if, since the Hello Kitty vibrator is back on the market, if there will be a Hello Kitty butt plug made especially for the guys?

Somehow I don't think so...