The Countess

Going Down Anyone? How To Give The Best Head

Here's my latest article at Nuts4chic, and it's a scorcher about giving a great blow job. This article was so hot that it didn't pass the N4C censor last week, and N4C had to run my oldie but goodie about the Altoids mints/blowjob myth. I toned the article down from a five alarm fire to a three alarm, but it's still a scorcher.

In order to tone down the article, I left out the part about giving a woman a "pearl necklace", because it was probably a bit too over the top, and I realized at the last minute that women don't get "pearl necklaces" from giving head. If anyone reading has no clue what I'm talking about and wants to know what a pearl necklace is, just ask me and I'll post the def in comments.

Enjoy the read! Here's the article: Going Down Anyone?

Here's an excerpt:

Don't limit yourself to your mouth. Jade reminds us that we can use our lips, mouth, hands, and even our breasts. Above all, be gentle. Don't leave teeth marks on him. He's sensitive, and when it hurts it's no fun. My husband likes to brag that, in the early days of our relationship, I broke him. Twice. I was a little rough on him, and it complained by steering clear of me for awhile. He told one of his co-workers about what I had done, and every time I saw that guy, he gave me the warmest, most welcoming grin. I bet he fantasized about me more than a few times. I love having that kind of power over men.

I also describe four fun BJ techniques, listed as follows:

The Tongue-Twister
The Hummer
Tea-bagging
The Tip-Tapper

No clue what they are and you are dying to know? Read the article!!!

For Valentine's Day - Food And Sex

You can always count on Tess to come up with a hot blog entry. She has a new blog, entitled Sex 'n Sass, and her first entry is in honor of upcoming Valentine's Day. She talks about a topic dear to all of us straight women - food, sex, and men.

She brings up the time-honored foods that supposedly send a man's blood racing - oysters, ginseng, avocado, strawberries, red wine, honey, chili peppers, dark chocolate... oh, I'm getting horny just thinking of these foods!

One thing she didn't mention was combining chili peppers and dark chocolate. One of my favorite movies, "Chocolat", had talked about this. It stars Johnny Depp, and Tess and I fight over who gets to have dear Johnny for the night. Har! He is so hot! Putting chili pepper into hot chocolate originated in Mexico, and the flavors mix surprisingly well. Talk about giving a kick to a mug of hot chocolate! Now I want to go to my favorite chocolate web site and buy some cocoa nibs...

She mentioned mead in her post, which is a honey wine. Tess, I can speak on the alluring properties of mead. That was my drink-of-choice when I was in college, and I preferred red mead to white mead. I occasionally pick up a bottle of it to this day, especially in winter. Sadly, the only mead I can find is white mead, but it's still good. If you find red mead, buy it! Some liquor stores carry mead. The best mead I've ever had needed to be warmed, and it came with a packet of herbs. You drop the herbs in the bottle, and let the bottle sit in a pot of warm water until the mead warms up. Warming up alcohol increases its ability to get you soused. This wine will catch up with you because it's sweet, so don't drink it too quickly. It's very tasty, and it can definitely lower inhibitions. You and your man can play Serving Wench/Dashing Lord while you drink your mead and feed each other chocolate-covered strawberries. A little role-playing can go a long way.

Did you know that celery is an aphrodisiac? I went "wha...?" the first time I read that, too. I hate celery, although I like the taste of it. I don't like the consistency of the veggie. When it's not crunchy, it's soggy. Ick! I do like it in soups, but only if it's wrapped in cheesecloth and removed once cooked. Here are a few quotes from an old post I wrote about food and sex. Apparently, celery is an aphrodisiac, according to this article from Pravda, of all places. Are the Russians more up-front about sex than Americans? The article stated that "a cluster of celery stems was traditionally hung above the bed of newlyweds on the first marital night. The plant was believed to act as a powerful erotic stimulant."

Learn something new every day.

I agree that scents make a different in setting a mood. Tess recommended some well-known sexy scents to make sure your lovemaking is at its most intense. To quote her: "Lavendar and patchouli. Sandlewood and jasmine. Gardenias thick in the air." Patchouli is already established as the lover's scent. Buy the scents she recommended as oils, and use them as perfume. I own an oil I bought from a Voudou web site that is called "Fire of Love", and it packs a wallop! I also own patchouli oil that I bought from the same web site. Dribble a few drops of the oils on candles to release their scent.

Another scent tied to love and lust is bergamot, which is a chief ingredient in Earl Grey tea. Serve your lover a glass of iced Earl Grey tea, and let the fun begin!

I'm going to celebrate this article by drinking a glass or two of port, which is a type of red wine. I think I'll put on some "Fire of Love" oil and see what awaits me for the rest of the day.

Join Me At The Night Owl Chat On Monday, Jan. 28!

From 8 - 10 pm EST on Monday, January 28, I will be at the Night Owl Romance chat room, with other Midnight Seduction authors. Come by, meet me, and ask me embarrassing questions about sex toys! I'll talk about new projects and chat about articles and stories.

Hear about why my latest column at Nuts4chic was censored for being too hot. Imagine that! I rewrote that column, and the not-as-radioactive version will be posted next Wednesday.

Here's the link to the chat:

Night Owl Romance Chat

The Altoids/Oral Sex Myth

This is a reprint of one of my most popular Nuts4chic articles. Have you ever given oral sex with a mouthfull of Altoids mints? The result is great hot fun! Here's an excerpt:

The effect started off slowly. He felt a little bit of tingling at first. It was pleasant, if a bit unusual. Then, the sensation became more intense, especially as I sucked harder on his dick. He is not circumsized, so I sucked on his foreskin until I pulled it away from his dick. He liked that. It felt very good.

He started to squirm. All of a sudden, his dick began to burn. He cried out, "It burns, Oh, my God, it really burns!"

I wasn't sure whether to stop or to keep going. He wanted me to keep going. I sucked, harder and harder.

"My God, it burns. A lot. How many Altoids did you eat?"

"Uh... Fifteen."

"Fifteen???"

"I didn't know how many to eat. I wanted to make sure it worked. Maybe I shouldn't have eaten so many of them…"

"You think so? Maybe three would have done it just fine. Ouch! It burns!! My dick is on fire!!!"

I released his dick from my mouth. He rolled out of bed, and ran to the bathroom. I heard the water in the sink running. He kept crying out "it burns! It burns!" I felt bad, but at the same time the whole thing was rather funny. I told him to use soap on it. Maybe soap would get the peppermint oil off of his dick. He just ran warm water over it.

Fun News Stories About Sex And Stuff

Feminists do it again - they are behind the drive to allow topless swimming at a swimming pool in northern Sweden. As one man said, "We're used to naked people. Nobody cares." It would be great if that kind of attitude existed in America. Women breastfeeling babies are given the hairy eye-ball in this country, and they are sometimes ordered to a restroom so that they don't "offend" anyone. I would not eat in a public restroom, and I don't expect to be told that a baby deserves to eat in such a place.

According to a survey by Gametart (I love that name), women who play video games have sex more often. Alright!! I haven't played games in awhile, but I have been curious about Second Life for several months now. Once I have a book or two ready to sell, which is only going to be a matter of time now, I would love to open a store in Second Life to sell my books. I also want that bed that simulates multiple sex acts. That game is so subversive it's been semi-bashed on TV shows like "CSI". Hey, free advertising!

Man boobs on flabby guys - bad. Pec implants to make the average sunken male chest look like Adonis's torso - good! More men are getting pec implants. I suppose that kind of rock-hard chest is harder to achieve with weightlifting and exercise, but what's with the war rhetoric? Here's a quote from the article: "A guy with a great chest looks like a warrior, wearing armor for battle. Nothing can penetrate that hull." There's also the not-so-subtle sexual innuendo with the word "penetrate". So maybe men are getting to be as neurotic about their bodies as women have been for aeons.

Tricky Dicky's is the first pole-dancing club to open in the UK that features male pole dancers who dance for a straight female clientele. Men are not allowed in, except for the nearly two dozen male dancers. Will straight women be drawn to such a club? I need to check on the first brothel in Las Vegas that caters to women. I wondered how that would work out, since it is men who traditionally pay for the services of a brothel. When I was in my early twenties, I was offered a pole dancing job at The Block in Baltimore. I was flattered that the owner thought I was attractive and sexy enough to pull that off, but I could never do something like that. I didn't like the "fringe benefits". Plus on The Block pole dancing seemed sleazy. Strippers manage to find me anyway, though. When I worked on an indie horror film in North Carolina, my makeup assistant worked nights as a stripper. She was a very good makeup assistant. I trained her. I knew she went on to work as a production assistant in local films. I don't know if she got more work in movies, but I always wished the best for her.

Own Your Own Vagina Couch!!

I read Craiglist to look for writing gigs, and lately I've been reading the Best Of Craigslist. I couldn't believe it when I saw this pink upholstered vagina couch for sale!! When I finally stopped snorting port up my nose from laughing so hard, I had to admit the thing is very well made. The owner made it in art school, and now she has to unload it. It's only $600.00, which is a good price to pay for a couch, even if it fits only one person and sucks you in like Vagina Sans-Dentata. I'd buy it if it went with my decor. Har! It's the perfect piece of furniture for an erotica writer. It even has a swollen clit!!!

Here are pictures. This thing is a riot.

Meet Me At The Romance Erotica Connection Chat!

I'm going to be at the all day chat at Romance Erotica Connection this Friday. I'll post excerpts, links to my latest articles, and news about upcoming stuff. Hang out with me and other Midnight Seductions authors and get hot and horny!!

My Erotica Panel At Arisia

Despite being sick this weekend, I was able to make one of my panels. It was "Heat Between The Sheets: Writing/Selling Erotica". Cecilia Tan, Nomi Berstein, and Victoria Janssen joined me in talking about the current state of the erotica market. I write erotica and erotic romance, most notably paranormal erotic romance, so I was a natural fit for this panel.

Over the past eighteen months, erotica has been disappearing from bookstore shelves even though it sells very well. One possible reason is that bookstores want to make more shelf space for other trendy books. Erotica is being relegated to the gay and lesbian bookshelves, even if the erotica is neither lesbian nor gay.

I mentioned how e-publishing of erotica is thriving. I'm published mostly online, and I've been doing very well. At the moment, I'm concentrating on e-book markets, since I want to branch out from magazines and web sites. I did mention how too many e-pubs are going belly up, such as Twilight Fantasies and Triskelion. There are far too many "orphaned books" out there.

What surprised me was that the panel didn't talk about what was in the flyer. We said very little about finding markets - more about the condition of them. I wanted to talk about finding work via Craigslist and various writer's mailing lists and web sites. I found Scarlet Magazine from the blogosphere.

I didn't talk nearly as much this year as I did last year, probably because that cold was manifesting. I don't feel nearly as awful now as I did for the past two days, but I know that going to Arisia today would be a huge mistake. I'll end up having a relapse, and I don't want that to happen.

I will definitely go to Arisia next year. Hopefully, I'll be able to stay in the hotel. The commute via T and train is just getting to be too much for me. Having a hotel room to crash in would be ideal.

Meet Me At Dark Diva Reviews!

Update: January 18, 2008: For those coming over from Adult Blog Hub, I'm in the chat right now. I'll be there for a few more hours. I've already posted excerpts from my stories at Scarlet Magazine and articles from Nuts4chic and Sex-Kitten. Come on over and hang out with me!! Follow the link below, and sign up for the group at Yahoo Groups.

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I just signed up for this group, and I'll be there tomorrow posting, so drop by and pester me if you like. ;)

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/darkdivareviews

Want To Meet A Quality Man? Don't Stalk Him At The Grocer!

My latest article is out at Nuts4chic. This one is about how to attract a quality man, and what you shouldn't do so that you don't screw up your chances. Here's an excerpt:

There were about two dozen suggestions as to how women can find men who don't live in their parents basements playing World Of Warcraft for endless hours while surviving for days on bags of crisps.

I was overcome by the desperation behind most of those suggestions. Here are a few, and what I thought of them.

1. Ask 10 of your friends to set you up - Do you really want all of your friends to know how hard up you are? Blind dates are part of the Ninth Circle of Hell, in case you haven't heard. Another suggestion – Date Online – is also worthy of Dante's Inferno.