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December 10, 2010

Bah! Humbug!

I hate Christmas, with all the good cheer, mawkish and overly sentimental holiday movies, the Lifetime channel, the higher electric bill from putting up all the lights, having to spend time with dysfunctional family members, and fruitcake. The same fruitcake that has been circulating for the past twenty years. It's a doorstop, not a fruitcake.

Okay, I lie. I like some of those movies, mostly "A Charlie Brown Christmas" and "A Christmas Story". I might even break down, make some spiked egg nog, and watch Santa Claus Conquers The Martians. It has Santa, martians, and Pia Zadora. What's not to love? And of course there's Dead End, which is about a cranky, dysfunctional family taking the scenic route to Grandmas for Christmas dinner. Hey, it stars Ray Wise, so you know it's gonna be good. Even the Tomato Meter gave it a good rating. We watch this one every year as our traditional Christmas movie.

I like decorating the house, although I've been so sick this fall I still have yet to remove the Halloween decorations. And now that we have a free fake tree, no more fricking pine needles!!! I even liked the house in the south covered with so many Christmas light the birds were fooled into thinking we had Thirty Days Of Light.

This brings me to one of my favorite memories when I was a kid in the 1960s. Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners were always amusing. One year at my aunt's, my cousin and I were playing on the floor in the living room while the men watched football. My uncle had just bought a brand new, state of the art remote controlled Zenith. This was the 1960s so such a TV was a sign you made it in the world, at least in my family's circle. My uncle showed off his new TV, turning channels and turning the thing on and off with the remote. Wow, you didn't need to get off the couch to change the channel! The first generation of couch potatoes were born. I wore a charm bracelet that we figured out pretty quick was turning off the TV - right during the kick off! I couldn't have timed it better. Turned out the frequency of my charm bracelet matched the frequency of the brand new remote controlled Zenith my uncle had recently bought, and whenever I shook the bracelet hard enough, the TV would turn off. So my cousin and I kept waiting for the most important moment in the game and I'd shake my charm bracelet. The men were getting very mad and I thought my uncle was going to toss a brick through the TV. He pounded on its side and got very frustrated. Finally, my aunt figured out what we were doing and she took my charm bracelet - after we gave the men a demonstration. Everyone was impressed. Everyone wanted to kill me.

I include a version of that true story in my erotic Christmas short story "Tinsel Temptations'. This story is based on my fondest childhood Christmas and Thanksgiving memories when I was a kid in the 1960s. I didn't live in a "Mad Men" world in that era, since I grew up in a working class neighborhood. "Tinsel Temptations" takes my own holiday memories and adds some very hot sex to them. John Jones and his "not really his cousin" Jessica are 21 and 19 respectively, yet they are still stuck at the kid's table for Christmas dinner. Remember the kid's table? If you want a laugh out loud, sexy read, check out my Christmas story, "Tinsel Temptations".

And now it's time for "Santa Claus Conquers The Martians". We have the MST3K version. Good times!

Title: Tinsel Temptations

Release Date: 08 October 2010

ISBN: 978-1-935757-00-9

Author: Elizabeth Black

Format: E-Book

Length: 3,445 words 21 pp (PDF)

Genre: Holiday Romance

Category: Holiday, Humor, Nostalgic, Erotic

Price: $2.99


Tinsel Temptations - AllRomanceEBooks

Tinsel Temptations - Bookstrand

Tinsel Temptations - Amazon Kindle



It was another Christmas for John Jones, with his parents, family and friends. The highlight of such gatherings was always the visit of his ‘I’m-not-really-your-cousin’ Jessica and their bedroom frolics while the family were otherwise occupied. This year, Jessica bought something new—the girls! Over the last year Jessica had filled out—and out. Her new shape had John mesmerized, and decorating the tree took on a whole ‘nuther meaning when the holidays bring their Tinsel Temptations.

Posted on December 10, 2010 at 12:50 PM | Permalink


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I think only positive emotions are connected with Christmas. There's nothing boring or traditional about it. There's always something new.

Posted by: Ada @ Israel at Dec 10, 2010 2:19:49 PM


Posted by: 好秘书 at Dec 15, 2010 4:31:00 AM