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May 21, 2010

I Bet Nick Cage Won't Eat A Preying Mantis

So actor/rabblerouser Nicholas Cage will only eat animals that have, in his opinion, "dignified" sex. He won't eat pork because he doesn't like the way pigs do The Nasty. Instead, he munches on chicken and fish. I don't know whether he's serious or if he's pulling reporter's legs but I thought it would be fun to write about animals sex lives anyway.

I can't speak for chickens, but ever see how fish get it on? The female lays her eggs and then the male shoots his sperm into the water, fertilizing the eggs. So when it's spawning season water is chock full of clouds of sperm. I suppose that could be considered dignified.

I bet Nick Cage won't eat a preying mantis. Females eat males after they copulate but only if they are hungry. We had preying mantids in our leafy canopy at our old house in Maryland. I remember the female and the smaller male. One day, I noticed that the male was missing his head! Holy shit, they must have copulated and she ate him! It was the creepiest thing to see since the male wasn't dead yet. It wandered around the canopy missing its head. Took the sucker five days to die. I hope I never see a preying mantis ever again.

I bet Nick Cage won't eat dog, considering that there is now a sex toy for dogs called Hotdoll. The picture below doesn't look particularly dignified to me.

Here are some strange animal sex habits. I doubt any of these critters will end up on Nick Cage's dinner plate.

Honey bees: The male's genitals pop off and get caught inside the Queen when mating. The snapped off penis acts as a plug, preventing other males from copulating with Her Highness. I guess this means Nick Cage won't put honey in his tea, unless he finds losing the Crown Jewels to be dignified.

Bonobos: Bonobos use sex for EVERYTHING! They "use sex as greetings, a mean of solving disputes, making up for fights, and as a favors in exchange for food. They tongue kiss, engage in oral sex, mutual masturbations, have face-to-face genital sex and even have a strange "penis fencing" ritual!"

Red-Sided Garter Snake: One female emerges from hibernation. She releases a pheromone that drives male red-sided garter snakes into an erotic frenzy. Then... ORGY!!! Bonus points - male red-sided garter snakes have two penises. I hear snake tastes like chicken so maybe eating snake isn't much of a stretch for Nick Cage.

Dolphins: Male dolphins have retractable penises. And they're prehensile. They even swivel! I hope Nick Cage eats dolphin-safe tuna.

Anyway, there are many more bizarre examples of animal sex at that link so head on over and get an education. Some of these animals do things that sound like something you see in a science fiction movie.

Posted on May 21, 2010 at 10:41 AM | Permalink

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