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August 18, 2009

Questions To Ask Teachers In Texas Now That The Bible Is Required Reading

So public schools in Texas may now teach the Bible to students? Good! I encourage students to ask as many relevant and timely questions as they can. This post is inspired by an old Internet meme, and I have added some of my own questions.

Here are the questions from the Internet meme:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. How should I deal with this?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as it suggests in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may buy slaves from the nations that are around us. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans but not Canadians. Can you clarify?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 10:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 20:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear prescription glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Here are some of my own questions:

My brother's pregnant wife was attacked in the city a few nights ago, and she miscarried. She herself was not seriously harmed. According to Exodus 21:22-25, how much money should my brother demand in compensation for her unintended abortion? If she had died, would my brother be in the right to demand her attacker be put to death, re: an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth? I know that the Bible does not see her miscarriage as an abortion, but I don't agree that her fetus was not a child and worth only the cost of her hospital bills. What do you say about this?

My neighbor ran over my brother in a car accident and broke my brother's leg, and the Bible calls for an eye for an eye for such an injury. (Leviticus 24:17-21) Would I be in the right to demand that his leg be broken in payment for the damage he caused my brother?

My servants do not obey me with respect and fear, as they are instructed to do in Ephesians (Ephesians 6:5-8). What is the appropriate inspiration and punishment to inspire them to treat me with the proper deferential respect?

My wife is not sensible, pure, and obedient as is required in the Bible. (Titus 2:5) What can I do to rein her in?

The Lord God likes sacrifices of turtledoves (Levi.01:14), but they are unavailable where I live. Are pigeons I find pooping all over statues in the park an adequate substitute for turtledoves?

Since the second commandment says "Thou shalt not make unto thee a graven image, nor any manner of likeness, of any thing that is in heaven above", am I wrong in having a figurine of the Virgin Mary on my car's dashboard?

My wife wears stretch pants when the Bible says she must wear dresses (Deuteronomy 22:5 ). Since women are not permitted to wear pants, should I just toss her clothes in the trash?

A Christian co-worker of mine recently died after slamming into a tree while skiing. He and his hot wife had no children. Does her dead husband's oldest brother have dibs on marrying her (Matthew 22:23-33, Luke 20:27-40, Mark 12:18-2), or can I make a play?

My wife is expecting twin girls. Would she be considered unclean for a month instead of just two weeks once she gives birth? (Levi.12:5)

My son wants to date a black woman, but we are white. How can I tell him that we cannot intermingle with other races without getting a "Free At Last" lecture? (Deuteronomy 7:3, Exodus 34:15, Exodus 34:16, Joshua 23:12)

Since going to the salon every month to dye her gray hair violates God's law on wifely modesty and submission (1 Timothy 2:9 - 15), can I just cut up her credit card to keep her from going?

My wife controls the remote. How may I force her to submit to my wishes in a Godly fashion when I want to watch The Military Channel instead of another episode of "Bridezillas"? (1 Timothy 2:9 - 15)

Posted on August 18, 2009 at 02:20 PM | Permalink

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