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August 11, 2005

Even I Know Miller Genuine Draft Is Pisswater

A 44 year old man who was accused of buying a case of beer for a 17 year old was acquitted because the judge ruled that "prosecutors failed to prove Miller Genuine Draft is indeed beer".

Sprecher sided with the defense and ruled Putnam's testimony was not enough to prove Hartman of the 300 block of East Walnut Street bought beer.

"They did not have any beer cans or tests to prove it was beer," argued defense attorney David R. Eshelman.

Eshelman said prosecutors did not present a state Liquor Control Board list of all beers.

"There is no testimony on the record that the beer contained any alcohol," he said. "In most cases, the prosecutors will give a list from the state with names of beer to prove that it is beer. In this case, they did not do that."

This case proves that if you're going to buy beer for underaged drinkers, pick Miller Genuine Draft. It isn't really beer. I'd even go as far as to say that Coors Light and Bud Light aren't really beer. They're pisswater. Avoid the good stuff like Guinness, Harp, and Sam Adams. You might even get away with buying Corsendonk because the defense might say that's really wine, not beer, but it's still illegal to buy wine for underaged drinkers.

Posted on August 11, 2005 at 07:49 AM | Permalink


Drinking light beer is like drinking decaf coffee--if I wanted flavored water, I'd make KoolAid.

I prefer real, 100% juice to KoolAid. So by extension, I prefer real coffee to decaf, and real beer to carbonated piss. Sam Adams Winter Lager, baby!

Just down the street from where I live is a charming little microbrewery. The beer they make is quite delicious and you can get it for about the price of Coors or Miller. They only sell local so they don't raise their prices--they're in it more for the fun factor than to try and take over the corporate world.


Posted by: Denita TwoDragons at Aug 11, 2005 1:50:04 PM

Natural Light? Not beer either.

Posted by: coturnix at Aug 11, 2005 10:39:18 PM

Natural Light is an oxymoron, isn't it? Do they still make National Bohemian (Natty Bo)? That stuff wasn't beer. That was rust remover for your car.

Posted by: The Countess at Aug 12, 2005 9:42:00 AM

Denita, I like my beer dark. When I worked as a union stagehand, the guys I worked with also liked dark beer. They used to tell me that if you can't shine a maglight through the beer, it's good beer.

I also think that Diet Sugar-Free Coke is nothing more than water with brown dye in it. There's nothing left in it that makes it Coke. I like Jolt! :D Coors Light is like drinking tainted water. There's no beer there. You'd might as well drink good water rather than that swill.

I like India Pale Ale when it's hot during the summer, but I prefer dark beer and stout, if I drink beer. Most of the time I drink port. Last night I bought a bottle of amontillado. I like that, too. Edgar Allan Poe lives!

Posted by: The Countess at Aug 12, 2005 10:00:41 AM

Oooh, Sam Adams Winter Lager rocks!!!

I drink caffeinated coffee, too. We buy it whole bean, and grind what we need each day. We just bought a French press coffee maker, and we use it all the time now. We're seriously considering putting the old drip coffee maker in a box and sticking it in the back of the closet. The coffee tastes much better in the French press.

I saw one of those for the first time a year ago at a bed and breakfast in Toronto when I went to the Mysterium convention (for fans of the games Myst, Riven, Exile, and Uru). The coffee was exquisite. Ever since then I wanted one, but was never at a store to buy one. We went to Bed, Bath, And Beyond a couple of weeks ago. I was checking out the shelves, turned around, and there was a French press coffee maker sitting there, saying "buy me! buy me!" So we did. :D

Posted by: The Countess at Aug 12, 2005 10:04:54 AM

Got a cite for that?

Posted by: mythago at Aug 13, 2005 2:57:28 PM



Posted by: Lee at Aug 14, 2005 9:15:18 AM

Oops, I just realized I forgot to put the link to the article in my post. Thanks for posting the URL, Lee.

Posted by: The Countess at Aug 14, 2005 12:48:31 PM