September 30, 2010

Malasadas A La Hawaii Five-0

My husband and I are hooked on Hawaii Five-0. I like Alex O'Laughlin and especially Daniel Dae Kim who is absolutely gorgeous. This episode included Dano coming in with a bag of malasadas which are Portuguese donuts. My husband grew up in Hawaii and he used to eat these delights by the bagful. He went to Leonard's Bakery to get them so here is Chef Leonard Rego's recipe for malasadas".

2 teaspoon dry active yeast
1/4 cup warm water
1 tablespoon sugar plus 1/3 cup sugar
2/3 cup milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
4 eggs, well beaten
1/2 cup unsalted butter, melted
4 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons freshly grated nutmeg
Vegetable oil, for frying
Cinnamon-sugar for coating (about 1/4 cup sugar mixed with cinnamon to taste)

In a medium bowl, combine the yeast with 1/4 cup lukewarm water and 1 tablespoon of sugar. Mix until the yeast dissolves then set aside for 5 minutes. Stir in the milk, vanilla, eggs, and butter and reserve.

In a large bowl, mix the flour with 11/3 cup sugar, salt, and nutmeg. Make a well in the center of the dry ingredients. Pour the yeast and milk mixture into the well. Mix the wet ingredients into the dry, forming a soft, smooth dough. Cover the dough with a clean towel and set aside to rise in a warm place until dough doubles in size, about 1 hour.

Punch the dough down, then with oiled fingers, pinch off pieces about the size golf balls. Place the dough balls on greased baking sheets. Cover the malasadas with a clean towel and set aside to rise in a warm place for about 15 minutes.

In a heavy, high-sided pot, heat a bout 2 inches of oil over medium-high until the oil reaches 325 degrees F. Working in small batches, fry the malasadas until they are uniformly golden brown, 7 to 10 minutes per batch. Drain the malasadas on a plate lined with paper towels just until they are cool enough to handle then roll them in cinnamon sugar and serve.

Posted on September 30, 2010 at 12:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 14, 2010

Florence And The Machine: Cosmic Love

I heard this song on the episode of "Covert Affairs" about Yaya, the man in Canada trying to become a U. S. citizen. It's "Cosmic Love" by Florence And The Machine. I'm taking a break writing about vibrators to introduce you to some fine music.

Posted on September 14, 2010 at 10:44 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 13, 2010

True Blood - Hot Southern Lust

First of all, you must check out Bluntcard. The image above is one of the Bluntcards. These are very rude cards!!! They're hysterical! There are even cards for sex toys!!

Anyway, I just handed in an article about the HBO series "True Blood", where I talk about why the vamps are so sexy. Here's a taste:

I grew up lusting after Christopher Lee as Dracula in Hammer Films and later Frank Langella in the same role. Both men rolled menace and sex appeal into one fanged monstrous lust machine. Now I have it bad for Eric Northman in True Blood. I know I'm not only woman (or man?) who feels such a drive for him. But why are vamps so sexy? What makes Bill Compton and Eric Northman such dishes? Why is Russell Edgington so fascinating? I can't help but be fascinated by a vamp who carries around his dead lover's effluvia in a compote dish.

Anyway, once the article is accepted and published I'll post a link here. If you like True Blood you'll love the article.

Posted on September 13, 2010 at 07:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

August 25, 2010

Cute Target Commercial

I'm taking a break writing about dildos to show you a really cute commercial for Target. I love the song! Check it out.

Posted on August 25, 2010 at 12:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

August 17, 2010

Why Do Women Lust After A Jerk Like Don Draper On "Mad Men"?

I'm a late-comer to the joys of AMC's critically acclaimed show ""Mad Men". After missing the first season, I rented the show shortly before the second season started and I have been happily addicted ever since. I find all of the characters very fascinating, full of depth, and multi-layered.

I also do not lust after Don Draper, unlike apparently many women - some of whom call themselves feminist - who get wet in the panties at the mere sight of his chiseled jaw. But why??? The man is an emotionally stunted, insensitive, cold, inconsiderate, wife-cheating, selfish, sexist jerk. I think the only thing he has going for him is that Jon Hamm, who plays Draper, is painfully gorgeous. He is The Pretty, and if he weren't I seriously doubt women would fantasize so much about a buck naked Don Draper dipped in fragrant oil and spread out on their comforters next to their sex toys. As Greta Christina wrote in her article about Draper, Jon Hamm, and "Mad Men" (Quoting Amanda Marcotte), "Do we really think women all over the country would be drooling over Don Draper if he was played by Ron Howard?" No, we don't.

I know women who want to sprinkle little bits of Don Draper on their breakfast cereal every morning and eat him right up. Om nom nom! Did you know that there is Don Draper fan fiction? I kid you not. Here's one example in its entirety because it's so short. It's called "Leave It To Beaver" by Modren Man. It's well-written and brings up a key element in the Don Draper fantasy that I will delve into in this article.

He kisses my neck.

I think somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew about his infidelities. I just chose to ignore it and fill my mind with happy thoughts. Like on Leave it to Beaver. June Cleaver's husband doesn't cheat on her. Then again, they live in a fake world where everybody is nice to each other, nobody swears, and everyone is happy. The Cleavers never deal with accidental pregnancies. They never deal with financial woes. They never deal with cheating husbands.

Little pecks along the way.

I could just dance the pain away. I know that sounds corny, but I could just drag Don to a club, pray for my favorite song to come on, and dance 'til the stars don't shine. I sound like one of those generic swing songs, but I'm honest. If I take him to the club, though, how will I know he won't glance at other women? How will I know he's thinking about dancing with me and only me? I won't.

But then he turns me around and stares me in the eye. He whispers "I love you," pounding his lips on mine, bruising them in the process. He caresses my small baby bump with his hand and I smile. I knows we'll get through this. We always do.

At least, we always have.

All the attention Don Draper gets from horny women begs the question: what the hell do those women see in him?

I think I know because when I was younger I dated and screwed around with my share of emotionally-stunted man-children. These guys don't start out being jerks. Initially they are quite charming and attentive. If they're handsome like Jon Hamm that's a big plus. I recall one man with a bit of pain, looking in hindsight. I met him in a theatre troupe where we both worked on the crew. I did lighting and makeup and he was the producer. That put him in a position of power, which I found very attractive. He was also about twenty years older than me - fitting right in with my penchant for bagging older men. During the first year he was charming, attentive, lustful - and secretive because he was married. We never had sex nor did we meet outside the theatre rehearsals and performances. We were engaged in one massive, overheated lust-fest for an entire year.

I made a huge mistake, though. I fell in love with him.

When the new season started and a new crop of nubile young women joined the troupe, he suddenly and without warning gave me the cold shoulder. No longer did he wait at the front door for me to show up to carry my makeup case and talk to me. No longer did he bring me glasses of wine during performances. No longer did he surprise me by visiting me unannounced at my job. No longer did we make out passionately backstage. No longer did he praise my hard work and crow about me to the theatre staff.

I became a non-person as he flirted with and made out with new women on the staff, all the while completely ignoring me without explanation. I was mortified and crushed. When I later confronted him on the phone about his shitty treatment of me, he blamed me for the way things turned out, saying that he was just fooling around and that he knew I loved him. He just didn't care. When I got too emotionally attached to him he decided I was no fun anymore so he cut me off without warning. He even compared me to the Glenn Close character in "Fatal Attraction" because I wouldn't let go the way he wanted me to. Selfish prick. He was upset when I told him I heard on the gossip mill that he had a reputation for fooling around with lots of women, which I sadly heard about only after it was far too late. His only concern was where the gossip was coming from, not about the content of the gossip. It took me a long time to get over this guy, and he wasn't even handsome like Jon Hamm.

My point of that story is that there is a huge difference between getting involved with a sexist, inconsiderate, selfish asshole in real life and fantasizing about one on "Mad Men". The Don Draper fan fic I posted here has a very big clue in it, and it's something that Greta Christina noted in her own article:

And when women fantasize about bad-boy rogues who treat women like dirt, the bad boys almost never treat us badly. They're fascinated with us. They find us hauntingly compelling: so hauntingly compelling that, even though they usually use women and toss them aside, they somehow can't tear themselves away from us. (Boy, is it embarrassing to admit that.) I think that's something people forget about bad-boy fantasies. Much of the time, they're not about bad boys. They're about bad boys going good because of us. They're not about wanting to be mistreated. They're about wanting to be special.

And it's entirely possible to enjoy idealized fantasies of being special, so special that we inspire the dangerous, callous, villainous bad boy to change his ways (while retaining his dangerous edge, of course)... and still, in our real lives, recognize these bad boys as the self-absorbed jackasses they are. It's possible to recognize that the reality of bad boys is nowhere near as much fun as the fantasy.

Reread that fan fic and notice how Draper kisses Betty (I'm assuming it's Betty) and declares his undying love for her. She's The One for him, which is part of the fantasy. A bad boy will treat all other women like trash but all he needs is the right woman to melt his icy heart and bring out his tenderness. I've seen the same fantasy applied to vampire movies and fiction - all the vamp needs is "the right woman" to bring out his humanity. This is a very powerful fantasy that lots of women have and it fits right in with why so many otherwise sensible women have gone totally apeshit over Don Draper. Remember that the woman having the fantasy controls the fantasy. She decides where it goes. She decides that the pain of his coldness, selfishness, and infidelities will cease once her bad boy falls in love with her and she is able to melt his icy heart and ease his pain. It's a very soothing fantasy to have.

It also in no way represents what it's like to date a real jerk in real life and every woman who enjoys the bad boy fantasy knows this. Don Draper fits right into that fantasy world and that's what women are attracted to. The backwards, reactionary men's rights types (also jerks in real life) think women reject them - the "nice guys" (jerks of another sort worthy of their own post...) - in favor of "jerks". Nothing could be farther from the truth.

In closing, I can understand why so many women cream their panties over Don Draper. Just don't count me as one of them. And remember, there is fantasy and there is reality. And neither resemble the other in the least.

Posted on August 17, 2010 at 12:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

August 11, 2010

My Kind Of Porn Parody: The Sex Files 2

I am a huge fan of "The X Files" and when I learned of this porn parody called "The Sex Files 2" I had to check it out. Go to the link and watch the trailer. It has it all! The Lone Gunmen are even in it! I'd know Langley's long hair anywhere. Hippy.

I'd never heard of this movie. My husband found it. Since it's "The Sex Files 2" that means there's a "The Sex Files 1". I found both and requested them for review. Keep your fingers crossed that I get them. I'll definitely enjoy reviewing both, being a huge X-Phile.

A couple of days ago I won on eBay a rare 1996 "X Files" coffee mug. I owned this mug twice and my husband broke it both times. This time, he's not allowed anywhere near it! I'll hand-wash it to keep it safe. I love my coffee mug collection: two "Tomb Raider" mugs, a "Myst" mug, and now an "X Files" mug. All I need now are the "Myst", "Riven", and "Uru" coffee mugs to complete my set.

I'll definitely get out my vibrators while I watch this thing. I hope I can keep from laughing. I love porn parodies and tackling my favorite TV show of all time is worth watching.

The Truth Is Out There!

Posted on August 11, 2010 at 06:37 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

July 28, 2010

Hands-Free Orgasm?

I started watching a very interesting show on The Learning Channel called Strange Sex. One segment was about a woman who can have an orgasm without touching herself, and she created a nice little cottage industry for herself teaching others how to have hands-free orgasms. It all looked rather ridiculous to me, these men and women lying on yoga mats rocking back and forth and moaning a lot. Lots of giggling and writhing.

The thing is, I can come without touching myself. It's sort of related to dry-fucking, but it's fun to do. I'm usually in a perpetual state of sexual arousal so just thinking about things that turn me on get me all hot and bothered. If I'm out in public it wouldn't be proper to stick my hands down my pants or whip out a vibrator, would it? Here's what I do instead:

I tighten my pelvic floor muscles and clench my thighs together very tightly. I also rock back and forth, which puts some pressure on my pussy and clit. The Kegel exercises make a huge difference, though. I get very aroused when I do this, and I can do it sitting at the computer typing away (har har!), in the movie theatre watching a flick, sitting in a boring meeting, or driving the car, although I don't recommend doing this while you're driving. Driving While Horny is not a great way to add points to your driving record.

I often have very vivid erotic dreams and I have had orgasms in my sleep. A few times I awaken mid-orgasm and I'm still horny so I have to whip out my trusty Lelo Liv and satisfy myself all over again. Once I have several orgasms (my dream orgasms are very intense and I often need to come several times after having one), I can safely and quietly go back to sleep. I don't make a lot of noise when I masturbate and I make even less noise when I come so doing this doesn't disturb my husband, the cats, or the neighbors.

So, hands-free orgasms are not all that improbable. It just takes a bit of practice to do it right. The results are worth the effort.

Posted on July 28, 2010 at 11:18 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

June 21, 2010

Idlewild - Take Me Back In Time

What a wonderful song! I heard Idlewild's "Take Me Back In Time" on the "Three Rivers" episode about the firefighters. Sadly, "Three Rivers" was cancelled. I love this show! A good thing is that Alex O'Loughlin will soon star with Daniel Dae Kim in "Hawaii 5-0". I'll watch it because I like those two.

Anyway, enjoy the song!

Posted on June 21, 2010 at 06:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

April 01, 2010

Happy April Fool's Day!!

Great April Fool's Day joke? The American Meat Institute is suing sexpert Dr. Sue Johanson for saying that vegan semen tastes better than carnivore semen. I wrote much the same thing in an article for Sex Is Magazine. Read about the lawsuit (prank?) here: American Meat Institute Sues Sexpert Who Says Vegan Semen Tastes Better.

The interesting thing about the AMI lawsuit/prank(?) is that vegan semen does taste better than carnivore semen. So does vegan pussy. I wrote about it in an article for Sex Is Magazine: You Are What You Eat – Foods That Improve Your Sex Life

Did you know that the food you eat affects not only your sexual desire and stamina; it also affects the taste of your semen and pussy? Regardless of your sexual orientation and gender, you will only benefit from eating and drinking the kinds of foods that will give you the sexual pep you desire. ...

The AMI Lawsuit/Prank(?) had me going until I got to the part about PETA urging vegan men to participate in a semen taste-off in support of Dr. Johanson. That's when I suspected the story was a prank.

Posted on April 1, 2010 at 12:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

March 04, 2010

"All I Know" by Art Garfunkel

"All I Know" by Art Garfunkel played during the season finale of "Nip/Tuck". Very nice song.

Posted on March 4, 2010 at 03:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack