January 04, 2011
Viagra - A Rhapsody In Blue
Here's a blast from the past. Time Capsule time: this is my Feminista! article about Viagra shortly after the drug was released on the market back in 1998. Feminista! is no longer online but you may access my article at the Wayback Machine. Read this article and then read my blog post on Female Sexual Dysfunction. Enjoy both! [Warning: feminism below. May cause some heads to explode. LOL]
Viagra - A Rhapsody In Blue
Feminista! Volume 2, Number 3/4
By Trish Wilson
The jokes were inevitable. You've probably already heard most of them.
Italian mothers tell their daughters to buy Viagra. Jewish mothers tell their daughters to buy Pfizer.
Before Viagra, for some people, making love was classified as "assault with a dead weapon."
Mix Viagra and Prozac and you have a guy who is ready to go, but doesn't really care where.
When I first read about Viagra (sildenafil citrate), I didn't know what to think. So, I sat back and observed. Something was going on; much more than what was presented by the news media. The stories poured in, many bordering on the absurd. Sixteen Viagra deaths climbed to thirty. A 34-year old women claimed to have been assaulted by an elderly man brandishing a crowbar when she refused his sexual advances. He had recently taken Viagra. Some poor fool popped a pill and walked around with a stiff one for 36 hours.
I felt as if I had dropped into a pit of cheap-rate science fiction movies.
Why has this blue, diamond-shaped pill captured the American public's attention? I found that there was not one answer. There were many answers. They appeared to contradict each other, but in reality they didn't.
When viewed through the funhouse mirror of Patriarchy, they become very clear.
Viagra was a dirty stick that poked at our preconceived notions about sexuality. It exposed American social and sexual mores. It showed how patriarchy worked to the detriment of both women and men, and how those with money (including corporations) governed those who lacked it.
The Viagra craze has shined a light on the poor treatment of all women in this country. It exposed the lack of attention paid to women's health care, especially reproductive care. It also emphasized the notion that women were to be made sexually available for men.
The Viagra craze benefited men and harmed them at the same time. It took their concerns with virility, and turned those concerns against them. Most men could not see how this was the case.
The news reports I read created more questions in my mind rather than answering the ones that already existed.
What happens if a guy overdoses on Viagra? Does he turn into a surfboard?
How many men will blame sexual problems on their partner since, with Viagra, they believe they couldn't possibly be contributing to the problems themselves anymore? Their problem (impotence) is allegedly cured, so the sexual problems are now nonexistent as far as they are concerned. How many purchase the pills, yet share their newfound virility with women in brothels or with mistresses rather than with their wives and girlfriends? Some brothels in Nevada have reported increases in their clientele ever since this drug came on the market. One downright surreal headline read "'Viagra Widow' Sues for Damages - Husband Takes Viagra and Has Sex for the First Time in Four Years - With Another Woman." (Independent, June 17, 1998) The woman in question, Roberto Bernardo, is suing her 70 year old husband for a cool two million, and is considering suing Pfizer, citing Viagra as "hazardous to marriages."
I noted contradictions and inconsistencies in articles.
Very little attention has been paid to the side effects of the drug. Anyone who takes a prescription drug must become familiar not only with the side effects, but with reactions to other drugs and sometimes various foods and alcoholic beverages. What is this "blue tinge" side effect that is mentioned but rarely explained? How is it caused? Would it affect glaucoma or those with diabetes? Why hasn't more been written about it? If I took a prescription drug that made everything look as if I had walked onto a location shoot for "The X Files," or as if I were viewing the world from the floor of the Pacific Ocean, I'd be scared to death. Especially if I saw Viagra fish.
This isn't the first time I've heard of a drug causing such a side effect. It may be urban legend, but the digitalis Vincent van Gogh reportedly took allegedly caused him to see yellow. That side effect goes a long way to explain the brilliant yellows in his paintings, assuming the story is true. Hmmm. Digitalis is used as a heart treatment. Viagra was originally used to treat angina, although it didn't do it very effectively. This is probably a coincidence.
If van Gogh took Viagra on top of digitalis, would he have seen green?
Several articles reported the alleged medical need for Viagra to cure impotence. On the flip side, I read of the dangers of recreational use of the drug in combination with other drugs such as heart medication and "poppers" (amyl and butyl nitrate, which are inhaled to enhance the sexual experience). I saw concern expressed by the medical establishment regarding the inevitable and possibly dangerous recreational use of Viagra, but no action has been taken to do anything about it. To date, thirty men have died after taking this drug. Don't tell me that the medical establishment or the government can't or won't act. Nothing stopped the House of Representatives in June from blocking the F.D.A. from testing or approving any abortion-inducing pill, including RU-486, a drug that the F.D.A. has approved for use in controlled studies. Abortion opponents say the measure, which is attached to a $56 billion agriculture appropriations bill, merely prevents taxpayer money from being used to facilitate abortion.
How hypocritical. Taxpayer money is being used in some states to provide Viagra as part of Medicaid coverage, citing "erectile dysfunction" as the medical justification. Flaccid penii are a medical emergency, but unplanned pregnancies are not. Medicaid has covered Viagra in Maryland, D. C., Utah, Florida, and Alabama. Such benevolence has never reached women and children, who represent 90 percent of Medicaid recipients. They will not receive additional funding for mammograms or pap smears. They are being booted off the welfare roles. Women on welfare are lazy leeches who, together with their bastard children, suck at the government tit, remember? However, should a man receiving Medicaid in those states want to suck on a woman's ... well, you get my drift. Make sure he gets his Viagra. She can fend for herself.
How many years did it take to remove the Dalcon Shield from both the market and women's bodies after large numbers of women were either maimed or killed by the device?
If the people who worship at the Altar of Viagra wanted to prevent the recreational use of the drug, they would have done so.
Then again, scads of men appear to be willing to pay out the wazoo for such a pill and consciously misuse it, all for the sake of a hard-on. How stringently was Viagra tested? If these men continue to take the drug knowing of those thirty-plus deaths, they may literally be taking their lives into their own hands, pardon the pun. If they choose to do so knowing the risks, so be it.
Some health plans include coverage of Viagra but refuse to cover female contraception. Erections are deemed a medical necessity for men, but pregnancies -- including pregnancies that may result from the excessive use of Viagra -- are the woman's choice. This is very dangerous verbiage that women's groups, to my knowledge, have not adequately noted. "Choice" is being used against women. It is our "choice" to maintain control of our sexuality; to have an abortion if needed; and to have the ability to purchase birth control. Therefore, neither the government nor the medical establishment should have to pay for our "choices." Impotence, however, is considered a grave medical condition that can destroy a man's masculine image. If he cannot perform, his self-esteem -- his self-image as a man -- deflates. If only for one evening. Men can have Viagra, but women cannot have RU-486.
It doesn't matter that an unplanned pregnancy will affect a woman's entire life. It doesn't concern these people that women may die from pregnancy complications. It doesn't matter that a months' supply of birth control pills is considerably less expensive for healthcare providers than a months supply of Viagra. To quote Senator Olympia Snowe (R-Maine) as reported by UPI, "The incredible irony is that oral contraceptives, which are used by women, have been on the market since 1960, nearly four decades, yet only 33 percent of typical indemnity policies cover them. In contrast, the Viagra pill has been on the market just over a month, yet the question from insurers is not whether they will cover it, but who will be covered and for how many pills." Aetna, for instance, allows employers to purchase special coverage for Viagra and decide how many pills they want to pay for.
It's that double-standard, hard at work. Sexually active men are viewed as healthy and vital. Sexually active women are viewed both as harlots who must be made sexually available to men, and as the sex solely responsible for all forms of social collapse. Thus, Viagra is promoted to ensure that men get more and better sex, and women's contraception and abortion are frowned upon. The Viagra craze may be seen today in part as the sexual revolution was seen in the '60s and '70s -- as a means of making women more sexually available to men, regardless of women's health concerns, choices, and sexual desires.
Contraception relieves women of worries about pregnancy. It also gives them control of their lives, since a woman with the ability to control when and if she bears children stands a better chance of thriving. In several stories, I read of men who had taken Viagra and cheated on their wives, fooled around with women young enough to be their granddaughters, and headed for the nearest brothel. In the few stories dealing with clinical trials of women on Viagra, those women appeared to be in the process of being primed to make them sexually available and ripe for men. It's worthy to note that testing of the drug on women did not occur until after it had been tested and purchased by thousands of men around the world. Now that he has his erection, test the drug on women so that they will be well-lubricated for him.
The image of the United States becoming a nation of scattered groups of pill- popping concubines flashes before my eyes.
You won't see this kind of attention paid to clinical trials of contraception, except to shut them down.
These Viagra tests aren't designed to uncover the secrets and desires behind women's sexuality. They will "free the American male libido in the same way the Pill did," as stated by Penthouse's Bob Guccione in a New York Times article by Douglas Martin (Sunday, May 3, 1998. "Thanks a Bunch, Viagra"). Yup, this is the same "Penthouse" that interviewed Warren Farrell back in 1977 regarding his warm views on "positive incest." These tests are conducted in much the same way most drug testing is conducted on women. Find out what works for the man first, and try the exact same thing on the woman. Just because Viagra was discovered to increase blood flow to the penis, thereby improving the chances of erection in men experiencing impotence, does not mean that the same pill will have a similar effect on women's sexual organs. Extra blood flow to the vagina does not equate with the sexual arousal of a woman. A pill alone will not put her "in the mood."
In a telling tale, one woman being tested on Viagra in Italy had to drop out of the trials. She was responding so well to treatment that her boyfriend became jealous, and he demanded that she stop.
Those two stories seem contradictory, but in reality they are not. According to the rules of Patriarchy, a woman's sexuality is owned by the man who claims her -- her husband, boyfriend, etc. As long as her sexual focus is on him exclusively, according to his terms -- i.e., she does not show (or admit to) sexual interest or activity with any other man -- everything will be fine. If she does show interest or admit to sexual activity with other men on her terms, and as in the Italian case if she greatly enjoys her sexual feelings in and of themselves (not through connection to any man in particular, including her boyfriend), she is out of his control. She is her own person. And that won't do.
There is no such stringent standard for men. For them, Viagra means more and better sex.
Money is a big motivator. I read reference to the "need" to promote this drug to help men by a male doctor who just happened to have a book about male impotence coming out in stores shortly after he was interviewed by The New York Times. Seems the only phenomenal growth he wanted to witness was book sales.
Pfizer's stock rose from $45 to $115 per share since Viagra has been available for purchase. The Times of London reported that Alan Greenberg, one of Wall Street's richest traders, has donated one million dollars to the Hospital for Special Surgery on Manhattan's Upper East Side so that Viagra can be made available to men who are impotent, elderly and impoverished. He decided on the gift after reading that some state health insurance plans refused to pay for Viagra prescriptions. Kaiser Permanente is one provider that will not cover Viagra, primarily due to the cost.
Did he make this gift out of the kindness of his heart? Hardly. He owns stock in Pfizer.
It's highly unlikely that you'd ever see anyone donate one million dollars for women's cervical cancer screening or mammograms.
There is a black market for Viagra, especially out of the U.S.A. Pills have sold in the range of $17 each to as high as $150 per pill, a whopping sum if I've ever heard one.
Are there really men who so strictly define themselves by the size and durability of their erections that they are willing to shell out $150 for one blue pill? What kind of an identity is that? Where did they learn to equate themselves with their erections?
You know where. In the same place where women's sexuality has been deemed part of male entitlement.
All the media attention insinuates that Viagra could greatly improve a man's sex life as well as give him an erection. It can't do that. It merely increased blood flow to the penis, which helps reduce impotence.
The erect penis itself does not define the sexual act.
Intercourse is not the only way to express yourself sexually to your partner. Such concentration on the penis results in two things: (1) a strict limiting of the definition of the sexual act to intercourse from his point of view, and (2) a reinforcement of the ideal that "real" sex requires penile penetration.
Viagra guarantees the man will focus on his penis to the detriment of his other erogenous zones as well as that of his partner's sexual needs whether that partner is a male or female. So much for foreplay.
A woman needs clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, and the traditional missionary position does not effectively achieve that. A penis isn't the only item that may stimulate a woman, regardless of what Freud had to say about clitoral and vaginal orgasms.
There is a widespread assumption in this country that post-menopausal women experience greatly diminished sex drives. This assumption in part fuels Viagra testing on women, yet it is not true. As men age, they not only continue to be viewed as sexual beings, their sexual prowess is considered to be more potent, as if they are a fine, aged port rather than human beings. Post-menopausal women, on the other hand, are literally seen as "dried up."
For women who truly enjoy their sexuality, they know that more than half the fun is the ride itself. The destination isn't the only goal.
And finally, an insensitive, horny jerk with a Viagra hard-on is still an insensitive, horny jerk. He's just out ten or twelve bucks (the cost of one pill).
Hmmm... I wonder how many men have no difficulty shelling out that fifty bucks for five pills (the average prescription), but will balk at putting out any cash for condoms or birth control pills?
How many would pay their child support as eagerly as they would pay for their Viagra, assuming they pay their child support at all?
At issue here is discrimination against women when it comes to medical coverage and gender role expectations, but that issue is a small part of a larger issue that negatively affects both women and men.
Despite everything I had read about Viagra, something was amiss. Something was bothering me. It wasn't what I heard or what I read. It was what I hadn't heard or read. Took me a few days to figure out exactly what that was.
It came to me when I saw commercials on television advertising Merck's Propecia, a popular medication used to treat male pattern baldness.
Side effects are decreased sex drive and impotence. Quite ironic for older men and balding men who want both hair and erections. Remember the doctor I had mentioned who happened to have had a book coming out soon about impotence? One of his patients, a 52-year-old man, wanted Viagra as "insurance" in his relationship with a 24-year old woman. His goal, according to the same NYT article, was "repeated orgasms, though he also inquired about a drug to deal with his baldness." If he takes both Viagra and Propecia, those side effects will confuse his penis so much that it won't know whether to go up or down.
As a close male friend of mine told me recently, he believes that men are much more vain than women. Could be that some of them are willing to risk their health for vanity's sake.
Women have been bombarded with media imagery telling them that their bodies are too fat; too thick; too short; too tall; etc. Men have been receiving similar messages related to their sexual performance and their physical appearance, especially regarding thinning hair and middle aged spread.
While searching for information on Propecia, I came across Proscar, which is prescribed as a treatment for prostate enlargement, also known as benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH). This condition is very common in all men as they age, so the chance that an older man takes Proscar is high.
Propecia is a lower dose of Proscar.
Hmmm. Prostate enlargement.
It came to me again when I read that former Republican Senator and former Presidential candidate Bob Dole took the drug as part of the trials. I wonder if Mr. Dole saw blue when he took Viagra? Wouldn't be a new and unsettling experience for him. The other time he saw blue was when he lost the Presidential elections to Bill Clinton.
Mr. Dole had prostate surgery in 1991, due to prostate cancer.
In one article by Channel 2000 (Special Assignment: A Sexual Revolution. A CBS 2 News Special Assignment), Alfred Pariser had told CBS 2 that following surgery for prostate cancer, he became impotent. Tolman Geffs, also interviewed by CBS 2, had surgery to remove the cancer, but also found that he was impotent.
These two men, like Bob Dole, were part of a Viagra test group.
Prostate cancer. Viagra. Propecia.
That was when I noticed the silence.
Some men and men's health groups complain that too much funding goes to women's breast cancer prevention and research. They'd like to see more funding go towards prostate cancer prevention and research.
So why weren't those same men, especially those who were part of men's health groups, complaining about all the excessive attention, funding, and time that was going towards Viagra (and towards drugs like Propecia) -- recreational drugs and drugs that appealed to a man's vanity -- when so much more was needed when it came to funding research for prostate cancer?
Are erections much more important than finding a cure or adequate treatment for prostate cancer?
No. Viagra illustrates the double-edged sword inherent in Patriarchy. Sharp edge one: Erections AND finding a cure or adequate treatment for prostate cancer/enlargement are much more important than any funding related to women's health, including breast cancer. Including contraception. Including cervical cancer. All the complaints about breast cancer research funding are a smoke screen for the real issue. Could some of these groups who complain about men's health research want to see ALL men's health issues have top priority over women's health when it comes to any form of medical funding?
Sharp edge two: As the old saying goes, be careful for what you wish. You may get it. By narrowly defining manhood -- virility, potency, sexuality -- as the ability of a man's penis to remain erect for a given period of time, with the final result being an explosive orgasm, male sexuality has been reduced to nothing more than the isolated functioning of one body part. And that body part must perform, according to one Viagra user interviewed in one of many articles, "...like a 22 year old." Such blinders take the life and total enjoyment out of the sex act. Masculine performance also has priority over male health, including the one issue that concerns many men and men's health groups -- prostate cancer. Stockholders, pharmaceuticals, advertising companies, and the health care community stand to make much more money from drugs like Viagra than they ever will from pouring money into prostate cancer research. The media plays up the hype of the drug yet doesn't adequately cover the side effects such as headaches, flushing, indigestion, vision changes (primarily seeing blue). What other side effects are there that we have not been told about? Due to the number of deaths, one wonders if the drug needs more testing time. How much risk to his health does a man take when he swallows one of those blue pills? Very little has been written about drug interaction, including how Viagra would interact with medications that include diminished libido as a side effect, such as Proscar and Propecia. Viagra is not a holy grail. It will not turn a man into the Great Lover. No pill is capable of doing that.
Patriarchy is behind the great Viagra thrust to be the the biggest and the best. And when the source is Patriarchy, everybody gets screwed.
Most women are well aware of how that double-edged sword has worked against them. Some of them actively seek to dismantle Patriarchy. Too bad most of the guys can't see what is happening to them. They fell for the hype.
Such is the lure of the sucker's purse.
Trish Wilson is Feminista's Senior Contributing Editor.
I Don't Need A Pill To Turn Me On
I get infuriated by so-called sex research backed by Big Pharma because I know such "studies" are only curtains around the real push to sell expensive prescription drugs. I know because I've been on my share of prescription drugs before and they really didn't make me feel any better. Plus the side effects make them even worse.
I've never been on a sexually-oriented drug. My husband has. As my readers know, my husband is impotent. He also has little to no sex drive. He's tried Cialis and all it did was make him irritable and give him headaches and backaches. He had the same reaction to testosterone gel. My husband, normally a mild-mannered man, turned into a rage-o-holic when he was knuckling the steering wheel while driving in Boston, pumped upon testosterone gel. When he stopped taking it, I was so glad he went back to his normal sweet self. He stopped taking Cialis after only a couple of days because the aches and pains were horrible. Did the drugs improve his sexual performance? Not a bit. Only made things worse.
I remember back when Viagra made the news that some women complained that now all these formerly limp men had the hard-ons they craved that soon "studies" would be done on women experiencing low sexual desire so that a magical pill could be made to make them more amenable to the Viagra-pumped men's newly found sexual prowess. Yup, that happened. You know what else happened? Those Viagra-pumped men did have lots more sex - with women other than their wives and girlfriends. Oops!
So now here's another study that has put the label on yet another disorder before even properly investigating it. This new disorder is "Female Sexual Dysfunction" (FSD). According to the linked article, "FSD is so new that the drug company itself has had to help work out what the condition actually is." Isn't that special? It's like the wolf guarding the hen house. Ever hear of conflict of interest?
What's interesting is that while the medical establishment might have been looking for treatment for male sexual problems in the years before Viagra, the side effect that later became Viagra was discovered by accident. Researchers working on heart drugs noticed the wonderful side effect of erect penises, and homed in on that side effect. Not soon after, we were introduced to the little blue pill. That kind of accident isn't behind the push from Big Pharma to make money from FDS. Drug companies are designing the drugs and then fitting a "disorder" around them in order to make sales.
Keep in mind that the only thing Viagra does is bring blood flow to the penis. It doesn't affect sexual desire. It's only meant for men who have difficulty obtaining and/or holding erections. It's designed to deal with a very specific physical disorder. FSD, on the other hand, is so all-encompassing and vague that any woman who is exhausted and not in the mood after long hours working and doing the bulk of the housekeeping and child care is deemed to have a medical condition if she gives her man the hairy eyeball when he slaps his dick against her thigh when they're in bed that night. So Big Pharma figures it has to create drugs to fix this "problem" so the men are happy.
One company is testing a pharmaceutical cream designed to enhance blood flow to a woman's genitals and boost their level of sexual arousal. Those kinds of creams already exist and you can buy them in sex toys stores. I have used one and reviewed it. It's not available at that site anymore. Here's the same product at Sextoy.com: Crazy Girl Naughty Nympho Sexual Arousal Cream. Why spend lots of money when you can get the same effect for only $6.80? These creams do work and they feel wonderful! And you don't have to be labeled with a medical disorder in order to use them! The problem is why would Big Pharma not look at the whys regarding women and sexual arousal? That's easy - because Big Pharma is in it to make a buck. The article stated that at the time drugs for male sexual dysfunction were already on the market, Big Pharma immediately homed in on finding similar problems in women to make even more money. It's like I said - now that some men have their sexual prowess back, it's time to make their women more amenable to their advances. And Big Pharma laughs all the way to the bank.
Rather than discuss how society and religion affect women's views of their sexuality, or look into women resentful that they continue to be stuck with the lioness's share of the housework and childcare even in this "equal post-feminist" (LOL) society, mismatched sex drives between partners which is more common than you think (and that's my problem since I'm the one with a sex drive stronger than Casanova's), and simply unsatisfying relationships, Big Pharma ignores women's concerns and instead looks at vague symptoms, all with the goal of coming up with yet another expensive pill to hoist on everyone.
January 03, 2011
Mark Dacascos: Man Candy
When I saw Mark Dacascos as Wo Fat on the last episode of "Hawaii Five-0" I nearly fell off the couch. The man is Teh Pretty! I saw him a few years ago on a forgettable SyFy Channel movie but I couldn't turn off the TV because I had it bad for Dacascos. He's a martial artist and incredibly sexy.
I also just learned he's Chairman on "Iron Chef"! I used to watch that show. Now I have a good excuse to watch it again.
"Hawaii Five-0" already has plenty of Man Candy, but now that it's added Dacascos I'll definitely tune in every week. This show gives me my weekly nutritional allotment of sexy men. I understand fully well why it is the most successful of the new shows. All that skin, all the time!
Here are some pictures of Dacascos so you know what to look forward to tonight.
Have I mentioned I love long hair on men?
December 02, 2010
Indiscretions Vol. 1 - Info, Excerpt, And Win A Free Book!
I wrote today about affairs and especially cybersex at Three Wicked Writers blog. Head on over and leave a comment and you stand a chance of winning a FREE BOOK! Anne Rainey says "winner's choice of my backlist--today as part of our month long giveaway! So, be sure to leave a comment!"
So head over, read some very bizarre true stories about affairs, comment, and possibly win a book. I also include cover art, buy links, and a blurb for my cougar, affair, humor novella "Indiscretions: Vol. 1". So much good reading today!
More about "Indiscretions Vol. 1".
Title: Indiscretions Vol. I
Author: Elizabeth Black
Length: 7,467 words 36 pp (PDF)
Category: Erotic, Cougar, Romance, Humor
Amazon Kindle: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004BLK46E
Trailer For INDISCRETIONS VOL. 1
From the Romance Divine Mistress of Mayhem, Elizabeth Black, come two ribald tales of neighborly lust. Kevin was enamored with his older neighbor, sexy Cougar Betsy, and their clandestine trysts were bawdy bouts of passion. The lovers are surprised by the arrival of Betsy's husband and Kevin's rooftop escape is blocked by an angry avian aggressor. It's man versus seagull in CAUGHT. In WILD CHILD a ginger root becomes the terrible tuber as the lovers get to the bottom of a new kind of love.
Now, an excerpt from "Wild Child", in "Indiscretions: Vol. 1":
The plug slowly slid into his rectum. He clenched his muscles around it, waiting for the heat he wanted so badly. Figging was new to both of them, although they had read about it months ago on the Internet. As Betsy said, if they read it on the Internet, it must be true.
The raccoon coat slid to the floor. The outfit was new. He had never seen it before. She wore a crimson corset that left her breasts bare and ready for his eager lips. Crotchless panties filled out the costume. Her glistening pussy enfolded remote controlled vibrators. When did she buy that? I didn't get it for her. Wouldn't it be a hoot if Dean bought it? Or a fuck buddy I don't know about?
She placed a small box on the bedroom dresser, and turned a knob. The butterfly hummed against her clit. She was ready for some action.
At the sight of her red public hairs playing "boo" with him, his dick got hard again. With his dick going up and down, hard and semi-soft, he had an aching case of blue balls. Only Betsy could relieve his distress.
She tore at his t-shirt. He pulled it over his head, and tossed it on the floor. The jeans came off next. With one hand, he twirled the Jocko around over his head, and tossed it across the room. Naked and standing at attention, he lay on the bed, ready for her to ravish his body.
"Are all these toys for me?"
"You bet. Use whatever you want."
She grabbed the bottle of warming lube, and held up one of the ginger plugs.
"Let's play proctologist."
"You make it sound so clinical." He turned over on his back.
He felt lube drip down the crack of his ass. At least she had the decency to warm it up in her palms before letting it drip on her skin. Her breath blew on him, warming the lube as she rubbed it into his ass and around his anus. That warmth was a good feeling, and he wanted more of it. He scooted up the mattress a bit so that his asshole would be more accessible to her. She rubbed the plug along the edge of his anus, teasing his tender skin but not inserting the plug.
If you want to know more about what Betsy and Kevin are doing (and even want to try it yourself), it's called "figging" and it's a popular bondage practice. I tried it and wrote about it for the late pop culture e-zine nuts4chic a few years back. Below is a link to the article in my archive and a brief excerpt.
November 27, 2010
Affairs – Your Cyber Playmate May Be A Bot
I've always enjoyed basing my erotic stories upon the small Massachusetts coastal town in which I live, so I created Norwich, Massachusetts, which lies in Cape Ann on the coast between Ipswich and Innsmouth. You may recognize Innsmouth as the fictitous town created by H. P. Lovecraft for "A Shadow Over Innsmouth", my favorite Lovecraft story. Yes, live only a few miles from where Innsmouth would be located if it were for real.
So when I wrote "Caught" for my new book "Indiscretions: Vol. 1", I wanted to replicate the homes and atmosphere of the coastal Massachusetts I know and love. Beginning with the two-hundred year old houses. These houses are so close together in some areas that you can roof-hop, which is an important characteristic of the houses Kevin and Betsy live in in the story The distance between the houses lends itself automatically to cheating but in an unusual way. I read long ago that people who had affairs had an easy escape when the spouse came home unexpectedly. Using multiple rooves had something to do with it.
I've always been fascinated with affairs. I know of plenty of marriages that broke up because of them. Now that the internet is a part of most people's daily lives, cybersex is a huge problem. Free porn is easily available. There are stories of marriages dissolving when one partner signs up for Facebook and reconnects with a high school sweetheart who has conveniently divorced. Then there's IM sex chats and sexting which brings me to Jenny18.
Jenny18 is a computer sexbot program created by a geek who wanted to see if anyone would cyber with software. He expected people to at first try but quickly give up out of boredom. He was surprised that Jenny18 ended up becoming quite popular. She has a set of stock phrases that she can use in conversation when people type in certain keywords. The results are hilarious and fascinating. Here is a portion of one transcript:
Sanddman: I'm yours for the taking*wink*
jenny18: thats kewl.
Sanddman: Of course;)
jenny18: mmm.. =)
Sanddman: Got a pic?
jenny18: i am cute, i promise. blonde, blue eyes
* Sanddman runs his hand slowly across your jawline, pushing your hair back behind your ears
jenny18: oh ok
Sanddman: Mmm...I trust you;)
jenny18: u wanna trust me?
* Sanddman moves his head in closer kissing you softly, and tenderly on the lips.
jenny18: o really? ;)
* Sanddman slowly slides his tongue into your mouth running it along yours in small patterns
jenny18: :yelp:: aAAHh... that is great.. keep moving
Sanddman: I trust you, why wouldn't I?
jenny18: u want to trust me, babe?
* Sanddman moves his hands around your waist pulling you against him, pressing his body against yours as he kisses you more frantically
jenny18: what you talking about?
Sanddman: Do you want to trust me?
Sanddman: Do you want to trust me?
jenny18: i see
Sanddman: Of course I want to trust you, but do you me?
jenny18: mm. i want to give it to u.
Sanddman: You keep asking me if I want to trust you;p, do you turst me
jenny18: u do?
* Sanddman slides his hands downward a bit, pressing them against your ass, and pulling your pelvic area against his
jenny18: i dunno what u mean =)
* Sanddman slowly kisses across your cheek and sucks lightly on your earlobe, nibbling softly
Sanddman: uh huh
* Sanddman kisses down your neck softly and pulls your shirt down kissing just above your breast.
jenny18: mm, that doesnt quite work.. i'm already naked!!! Lol
jenny18: i dunno..?
jenny18: oh god, just saying the word makes me crave some.
Jenny18 is a bot. A computer program. Nothing more. She reacts to keywords you type when you "interact" with her, and many men really thought they were cybering a living woman. Not a chance. So guys, the next time you cheat on your wife or girlfriend having cybersex, not only is there a good chance that hot 16 year old is really a 55 year old guy named Buck who works for the FBI Internet Crimes Division, your hottie might not even be human.
I know that many women would not like to read stories involving infidelity but I had to tackle it at least once, and I do in "Indiscretions: Vol. 1". I think you'lll enjoy "Caught" and "Wild Child" very much. Both stories are over-the-top (which you would expect from me) and very sexy. More information is below:
Title: Indiscetions Vol. I
Author: Elizabeth Black
Length: 7,467 words 36 pp (PDF)
Category: Erotic, Cougar, Romance, Humor
Trailer For INDISCRETIONS VOL. 1
From the Romance Divine Mistress of Mayhem, Elizabeth Black, come two ribald tales of neighborly lust. Kevin was enamored with his older neighbor, sexy Cougar Betsy, and their clandestine trysts were bawdy bouts of passion. The lovers are surprised by the arrival of Betsy’s husband and Kevin’s rooftop escape is blocked by an angry avian aggressor. It’s man versus seagull in CAUGHT. In WILD CHILD a ginger root becomes the terrible tuber as the lovers get to the bottom of a new kind of love.
October 27, 2010
Photo courtesy of Evocative Abyss
Welcome to e[lust] - Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether youíre looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, youíre going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #22? Start with the rules, check out the schedule and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!
Important e[lust] update: e[lust] will be going on hiatus for the holidays. The editions for November and December would both occur around the holidays and I know I'll be short on both submissions and judges as well as personal time. e[lust] #22 will return in January, with ample advance warning, so please make sure you're subscribed for updates!
~ Featured Post (Lillyís Pick) ~
D/s Without the D/s? - This is one of those situations in a real time D/s relationship where much of the ìfunî aspects of the D/s needs to be stuffed in the closet for a bit. And for us, itís not a great time to be either a masochist or a sadist. We can deal with that.
~ e[lust] Editress ~
Yes, Jelly Sex Toys Can be Dangerous - Even if a jelly rubber toy says ìphthalate-freeî, it still can contain toxic chemicals that can cause skin reactions in some people. These toys are still non-porous and can harbor dirt and bacteria because they cannot be sanitized.
~ This Weekís Top Three Posts ~
Unfortunately, this edition has no Top Three picks as I didn't have enough volunteer judges. If you'd like to volunteer to help, visit this page to find out more info and ensure that the Top Three picks continue.
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the ìread moreÖî tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!
Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor
Fantasy: Movie Night
Gabrielle, Guest Star
I Still Don't Know How You Taste
Monday Morning 2am
New Erotic Story For The Holidays - Tinsel Temptations
Putting the car into park
The Ordeal (Part Four)
The Sweetest Violation
The Young Mom
The Soccer Mom
Timeless in a Window's Light
Kink & Fetish
A space to hate and rage and be angry (photo story)
Beyond the Bedroom
Does liking Helmut Newton equal a fetish?
Happy Halloween: Light Me Up
I am all pins and needles
Kink and Fibromyalgia
Ownership and Monogamy
Punishing the servants
Switching It Up
The Sacred Swinger Holiday: Halloween!
the most amazing night with HIM
The Right Question
Wax on, wax off!
Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships
All Roads Lead to Acceptance... I hope!
Dear boyfriend, I love you. And your cock.
Having Great Goddamned Expectations
If You Google it, I will Answer #9
I Don't Know If I've Ever Been Really Loved By a Hand That's Touched Me
How to Massage Manís G-spot
My Coming Out Story
National Coming Out Day
Recovering From Anorexia
Sadie's Condom PSA
October 23, 2010
Should Epic Boobage Go To Jail?
I caught this story of Winter Pierzina after her Youtube videos went viral. She's best known (only known) for being a young and pretty woman with a huge set of knockers from which she dragged objects such as her car keys and a cell phone. I'm surprised she didn't pull a vibrator out of her massive bra. The Youtube videos, including one called something like "Jingle Bell Boobs", which I didn't see, have been taken down due to violating Youtube's standards for not allowing sexual or lewd conduct in their videos. I found the entire business to be rather silly and figured, hey, she has it, might as well flaunt it and become a Fark and 4Chan meme in no time at all.
Well, things have taken a nasty turn for Winter. She made the colossal mistake of texting while driving and wrecked her car. She lives in California which takes great and righteous glee out of fining and jailing people who do stupid things like text while driving, and Winter is caught in a winter of her own discontent. She's been fined $2,500 dollars, has to go to many hours of community service, and will go to jail, go directly to jail, do not pass "GO", do not collect $200.00 if she doesn't pony up the fine.
She took a creative turn to get out of the jam she's in. Gotta give her credit for that. Turns out she she doesn't have the $2,500 for the fine so she created a web site called Keep Winter Out Of Jail, where she's asking for donations. I personally have no problem with this because I figure there's a sucker born every minute. Someone will toss her money, and several someones already have. Mostly tens and twenties but one guy ponied up $150.00. Winter's web site reminds me of Save Karyn back in 2002 where a young woman (Karyn) with massive credit card debt asked people on her web site to donate money to her so she could pay off her whopping $20,000 worth of credit card bills. Here's a mirror of her original site. She was chastised of course - and rightly so - for being such a careless spender but believe it or not people donated enough money to get her out of debt. She has since become a fiscally responsible woman who talks frequently about her previous debt problems and gives tips on staying out of debt. A book depicting her story has been published and there is talk of a movie.
While I have no problem with cyber-begging (Confession time - I did it a few years ago when my husband and I were out of work and in danger of being evicted. Bloggers came through for us and we are doing reasonably well now.), I do have a problem with the commenters at Winter's site and what she's offering for the donations. Basically, she's prostituting herself. Here's what she offers men (of course it's men into this) who donate money to her:
* $1.00 - $25.00 will get you a brief video in which I will state your names and how much you donated and a big fat "Thaaaank youuuu!" These names will all be massed into 1 video.
* $26.00 - $50.00 will get you a personal video. You will not be massed into a video with all of the other people who have donated.
* $51.00 - $100.00 will get you a slightly more "risque" video and a small photoset.
* $101+ will get you all of the above and a private chat with me on a messenger of your choosing...
What's she going to do if you give her a hundred bucks? Flash her boobs at you? That's what it sounds like and that's what several guys expect and want. Here are a few of the more disturbing comments from her fans:
One hour fucking with me = 2.500$
will there be naked camchat?
This one is especially disturbing:
So he just wants to fuck her numerous times, using no condoms, and she gets nothing out of it but her fine paid in full and a lot of money on top of that. He could be as rough with her as he likes and she can't protest because she is accepting the money. He will take pictures and post them on online porn sites. He assumes she's a slut because he says she must have sex with people she doesn't know well very often. It's a bad deal and self-serving on his part all around.
Like I said, I have no problem with her cyber-begging. Even I have done it. However, Winter is setting herself up for some real problems with these guys who expect to fuck her for money, a little or a lot. It's sleazy and leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I also don't have a problem with women acting in porn or being on a porn crew, but this business strikes me as very unsafe and dangerous. She is putting up with a lot of abuse on her web site in the comments from men who have probably already ogled her in her Youtube videos and now they like to call her a slut and not in a good way. Same old double standard again.
I hope she is able to pay that fine and stay out of jail. Just don't text and drive anymore. What a stupid thing to do, but no matter how stupid, she doesn't deserve the rotten treatment she's getting on her web site.
October 01, 2010
No Sex Toys With Your Complimentary Lotion!
A hotel in Stockholm, Sweden is under fire for offering complimentary sex toys to guests. I think offering sex toys at a hotel is a wonderful idea as long as the guests can take the toys home. I wouldn't share a vibrator with a stranger. No way. That's icky. And this is a real stranger as in someone I had never even met. This hotel offers hand cuffs and I might be fine with them being in the room forever. You don't stick a handcuff inside your pussy.
Some locals are all up in arms over the sex toy deal since they say sex toys are "inappropriate". I was surprised to hear this because it's Sweden we're talking about, after all. At least the hotel removes the sex toys when a family with children is staying in the room but why not leave them there? What a great opportunity to talk about sex with your children - when the kid holds up a G-spot vibe and asks, "Mommy, what's this?" You can't keep the kids in the dark forever. Might as well take advantage of the opportunity since it presents itself.
Apparently prostitution is a problem in Stockholm and authorities were a bit worried the presence of the sex toys would encourage prostitution. Adult movie channels have been removed from some hotels to prevent the spread of child prostitution. While I agree that child prostitution needs to be abolished and the perps dealt with in the most punitive fashion, I'm not sure the mere presence of sex toys in a tony hotel will encourage prostitution. If others have more information or facts feel free to comment.
September 30, 2010
35 And Feeling Miserable? You're Having A Mid-Life Crisis!
Are you 35 and feeling miserable? Then you must be having a mid-life crisis! The gist of this Brit study says that if a man isn't halfway up the career ladder by the time he's 35 he's unlikely to get there at all. That makes perfect sense. The study also found that 35 is a bellwether year for long working hours interfering with family obligations, children, and tending to aging parents. The decade between 35 and 44 were some of the most miserable years out there. Sex life sucks. Marriages and relationships are rocky. Work life is a joke. In other words, it's sucks to be 35.
I had a mid-life crisis every ten years when I made major changes in my life. Speaking of 35, when I was 34 I started divorce proceedings against my ex and that was the smartest move I made in a very long time. He kept me in court for another six years but I prevailed in the end. I also started a career in stage craft at the time but eventually had to stop due to lack of work in my area. So I'm one of those people with a miserable life between 35 and 44. But I didn't wallow in it. I changed it.
Ten years later, at 45, I gave up family law work because it was unrewarding, thankless, and didn't pay worth squat. I now am a sex writer and I am much happier. I never really noticed the age I was when I made the major life changes but they do seem to be within ten years of each other - 35 then 45. I suppose 55 is the next big change but I don't see any reason to change my life at this time.
I've never had a bad sex life although I wish for more sex now. I've always had a very high sex drive that was sated most of the time but there were a few dry spells. When I'm in the mood and he's not I rely on my favorite sex toys to keep me satisfied. Thank God for Lelo! We do like to try out my toys and especially my massage oils and such so our sex life is coming along quite nicely.
So what about you? Are you 35 and feeling that life is passing you by? What changes do you want to make in your life?
September 23, 2010
Make Her Swoon With Your Kiss
I read an amusing article from MensHealth.com about kissing and I wondered how men were able to reproduce since so many of them kiss as if they're striped bass gasping for air. I'm one of the women listed below who is turned off by a piss poor kiss. If he laps at me like a dog eating its dinner I get grossed out.
One man of my past could bring me to my knees he was such a good kisser. Kissing is something men must learn to do properly if they want to be winners with women. When a man uses a vibrator on a woman while kissing her properly he can make her swoon. Rules: no pecking. No stomach rumbling (yes, I had one man whose stomach rumbled while he kissed me. He grossed me out.). Most important - no slobbering.
I especially liked the section about kissing areas other than the mouth. This same man I mentioned above who could bring me to my knees with his kiss loved it when I kissed him on the throat. He told me he wanted to take me right there when I did that although we were out in public and couldn't very well boink on the floor in front of everyone. I also let him kiss me on the throat to let him know I was giving myself over to him. It was a matter of trust and I wanted him to know that I trusted him. As long as he doesn't stick his tongue in my ear. That's gross.
So there you have it - news from a woman about how to drive a woman mad with your kiss. Be gentle but passionate, move slowly and then build up to a fever pitch, and don't slobber all over her. Aim for her throat to get her in the mindset to give into you.