March 24, 2011

Come To My New Blog And Web Site!

I have a new blog and web site, and I'm inviting everyone to it. This blog/web site focuses on my erotic writing. I will continue to post sex toys reviews on this blog. So, if you want to keep up with me, visit me at my new digs.

Elizabeth Black - Blog and Web site

See you there!

Lizzie

Posted on March 24, 2011 at 12:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (10) | TrackBack

April 01, 2010

Happy April Fool's Day!!

Great April Fool's Day joke? The American Meat Institute is suing sexpert Dr. Sue Johanson for saying that vegan semen tastes better than carnivore semen. I wrote much the same thing in an article for Sex Is Magazine. Read about the lawsuit (prank?) here: American Meat Institute Sues Sexpert Who Says Vegan Semen Tastes Better.

The interesting thing about the AMI lawsuit/prank(?) is that vegan semen does taste better than carnivore semen. So does vegan pussy. I wrote about it in an article for Sex Is Magazine: You Are What You Eat – Foods That Improve Your Sex Life

Did you know that the food you eat affects not only your sexual desire and stamina; it also affects the taste of your semen and pussy? Regardless of your sexual orientation and gender, you will only benefit from eating and drinking the kinds of foods that will give you the sexual pep you desire. ...

The AMI Lawsuit/Prank(?) had me going until I got to the part about PETA urging vegan men to participate in a semen taste-off in support of Dr. Johanson. That's when I suspected the story was a prank.

Posted on April 1, 2010 at 12:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

April 01, 2005

That Damned Meme Again

Jawsbloggers


Posted on April 1, 2005 at 03:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Friday Random Ten - The Dedication Edition

This is the Friday Random Ten Dedication Issue. Each song is dedicated to a well-known figure.

Keith Richards

1. "I Am Stretched On Your Grave," by Dead Can Dance

Ann Coulter

2. "Why Can't A Woman Be More Like A Man," from the "My Fair Lady" soundtrack

George W. Bush

3. "Garden of Hate," by Simple Minds

Dick Cheney

4. "Barracuda," by Heart

Camilla Parker Bowles

5. "Horse With No Name," by America

Prince Charles

6. "Monuments of Deceit," by Delerium

Martha Stewart

7. "Trouble," by Coldplay

Enron and WorldCom

8. "Bail Out," from the "Congo" soundtrack

Pope John Paul II

9. "Living and Dying In 3/4 Time," by Jimmy Buffett

Bill Gates

10. "Hack The Planet," by Brooklyn Bounce

Posted on April 1, 2005 at 10:51 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Friday Cat Blogging

DNA Tests Prove Actor Wilford Brimley Is A Persian Cat

Actor Wilford Brimley, best known for his commercials and his role being locked outside in a shed away from the other characters in the movie "The Thing," has been found by DNA testing to be a Persian cat.

"That explains why I like fish so much," says Brimley. "It also explains why I scratch the table in front of my plate when I'm finished eating. I haven't felt a need to use a litter box, though. I use the toilet just like most humans except for the drunks who pee on the walls of houses around the bars in Fells Point, Maryland."

Brimley's wife had no comment, except that she kept scratching him behind the ears.

Brimley Cat


Posted on April 1, 2005 at 09:56 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)

Young Lawyers Want Lives And Bull-Riding Machines

What Young Lawyers Want
The National Law Journal

A recent poll of hundreds of young associates revealed the yen of many budding barristers born after 1978: "Doing something other than practic[ing] law." They ranked time for personal life as the top motivator. Asks The Disassociate: What ever happened to billing 3,000 hours and earning your first ulcer within six months of passing the bar? What could possibly keep these well-paid slackers happy? From rock-climbing "conferences" to office bull-riding machines, here's a checklist.

---

Here's what they want:

PERSONAL LIFE

Paid annual leave. That's right; give each associate born after 1978 an entire year off with full pay. I understand that this may raise a few eyebrows, but let's face it, these associates have worked for over a year, maybe even 18 months, at the firm and, well, they are just plain tired.

Associates' car. For recreational purposes and sometimes even business development, many firms purchase season tickets to sporting events that are occasionally offered to associates. Perhaps along the same lines, the firm can lease a luxury car for the associates to share on the weekends.

PROFESSIONAL GROWTH

Exotic conferences. While to many in the field there is nothing more satisfying than attending a two-day seminar on the nuts and bolts of Sarbanes-Oxley compliance, for example, in a bustling metropolis like Jackson, Miss., associates are looking for something more. Firms may want to consider allowing associates to attend rock-climbing "conferences" in Joshua Tree National Park or deep-sea "seminars" in the Cayman Islands. These events will stress team-building and sacrifice. And your staff will ultimately return with a renewed vigor for that next massive document-review project.

Mock lawsuits. Start allowing associates to sue one another. Not only will this create a sense of excitement around the office, it will really make your new lawyers invested and engaged in the process. And just imagine the billable potential.

Rename the work. Instead of calling document analysis for a merger "due diligence," firms should call the project "beach party."

"Draft motion" could be "write a novel," and "analyze statute" could be "kick back and read Rolling Stone."

ADVANCEMENT

Class-year pins. Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts have pins on their uniforms that indicate how many years of service they have given to their respective organizations. Associates should have the same system, except that as the number of years increases, so should the size of the pin. By the sixth year, that pin should be so big the firm will have to make you partner or risk having a client see you.

Bull-riding machine. Each firm should purchase one of those bull-riding machines that they have in rural Texas bars and use that as the great equalizer of advancement. High-quality work and commitment to the firm's mission are apparently outdated criteria -- I'm thinking that grabbing the bull by the horns is sure to get the job done.

SECURITY

Promise. This is a tough one for firms because associates are notoriously insecure. In "The Wizard of Oz," the lion believed he had courage because he wore a medal and the scarecrow thought he had brains because of a certificate, so perhaps the associates at the firm will feel secure if you send them a letter sincerely promising not to fire them.

Of course, if that doesn't work, the annual sabbatical and the free car will surely go a long way toward keeping your associates happy.

Posted on April 1, 2005 at 09:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

A Prayer For Today

The Sedentary Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know when the best I can do
is to stay up watching X-Files reruns
with a bucket of KFC, a pint of Haagen Dazs,
and a carton of Djarum clove cigarettes.

Posted on April 1, 2005 at 09:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)

New Survey Shows Most Internet Users Do Not Read Blogs

A new survey by the Pew Research Foundation has found that most Internet users do not know what a blog is.

What do you read on the Internet?

1. News 16%

2. Porn 215 %

3. Friend's web sites 115%

4. Mailing Lists 8%

5. Usenet 9%

Do you read blogs? Yes: 4% No: 96%

Do you know what a blog is? Yes: 2% No: 98%

Here is a sample of responses given when asked "what is a blog?"

"A swamp." (This one was more right than he knew.)

"Where I buried the bodies."

"Meaningless chatter by navel-gazers."

"Age/sex check."

"There are women bloggers?"

"What about African American, Jewish, Asian, gay left-handed, and teen bloggers? I'm all of 'em rolled into one. We shall overcome!"

When media personalities were asked which political blogs they read, they laughed said, "The joke's on them."

Posted on April 1, 2005 at 07:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Photoblogging

The view outside my window.

Fire

I think I'd better move.


Posted on April 1, 2005 at 07:56 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Bush Proposes New Ten Commandments


Whletterhead


By the power invested in me as dictator Supreme Being President of the United States, I hereby invoke Executive Privilege to bring to the American people my compassionate Ten Commandments. They are in effect immediately. Any Americans who protest these Commandments will be sent to Gitmo. If you aren't for us, you're against us.

The Ten Commandments

1. Thou shalt have no gods before me.

2. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy President in vain.

3. Thou shalt honor the Sabbath Day, which is evangelical Christian because I said so.

4. Honor thy President and thy Vice-President

5. Thou shalt not kill. (Except in Texas and Iraq.)

6. Thou shalt not have abortions.

7. Thou shalt not steal. (Enron, Halliburton, Worldcom, myself, and my buddies are exempt.)

8. Thou shalt not bear true witness against thine Administration or thou shalt be hauled to Gitmo.

9. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's feeding tube, unless politically expedient.

10. That shalt not covet thy neighbor's goods, except when thy neighbor sits on oil.


Bushsig








Posted on April 1, 2005 at 07:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)