January 28, 2011
Woman In Poland Gives Birth To Twins By Two Different Fathers
It seemed like such a blessed event. A woman in Poland found out she was pregnant - with twins! Brangelina would have been proud! Imagine all the excitement, the preparation, painting the room for the babies, all the baby showers. There was only one teensy, weensy problem.
One twin was fathered by the woman's husband. The other was fathered by her lover. Oops!
When I was younger and much more reckless, I had affairs with three older married men. All three were college professors. I cost two of them their jobs. Two had vasectomies so I didn't have pregnancy to worry about. The third still shot little swimmers but he refused to wear a condom. I was very lucky. The only thing those guys had to worry about was the moral turpitude clause, which is why two of them got sacked. The two who got sacked also lost their marriages in part because of me. Turned out they cheated on their wives with lots of women. I was by no means unique. When they got fired I had a scorching case of schadenfreude.
Women do cheat on their husbands but not to the extent that men cheat on their wives. I think some reasons are that they're too busy with the kids and housekeeping on top of their jobs (if they work outside the home). They're too busy and exhausted to keep up with an affair, although plenty of wives do cheat. The guys have more free time and money on hand to maintain a mistress or two... or three. Although I'm monogamous, I wonder sometimes if monogamy is actually natural for humans. According to the Esybron Institute, "A brief look at our Pleistocene ancestral sisters reveals a startling picture. Yes, Sherfey nailed it. For hundreds of thousands of years, before patriarchy forced us into submission, these women pursued sex vigorously, openly, freely, uninhibited by male pretext, using it to advance our species to new heights of civilization. They had sex whenever, wherever, however, and with whomever they desired. This is their genetic gift to us." All that makes perfect sense to me. Why other women don't see it is a mystery to me.
Serial marriage is quite popular these days, since divorces, especially for subsequent marriages, are fairly common. Divorce doesn't have the stigma it used to have. Affairs? Still frowned upon. Polyamory is the closest we have today to open relationships with the approval and support of all parties involved.
Cheating isn't a good thing to do, especially when the results become so obvious such as twins with two different fathers. If you're that unhappy in your marriage or relationship, leave before you get into hot water. It's only fair to your partner and to yourself.
Posted on January 28, 2011 at 10:13 AM | Permalink
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I'm kind of hoping that one of the profs who got sacked was the one who refused to put on his raincoat, Lizzie. LOL As for women not cheating as much as men? I agree. We don't. And some of that IS probably due to the fact that women are more home bound by virtue of kids and housework and those "womanly" types of responsibilities in general. However, I also see it a bit differently too. Personally, no matter how much I understand and how liberal-minded I am, how much I subscribe to the "to each his own" way of living life--no matter how much I believe in a woman being just as smart and capable as any man and our whole "modern" way of life--I still feel a bit differently when it comes to the whole man-woman relationship and how we women deal with it.
Regardless of age, we all seem to fall in love and hope and pray it's forever. We start out with honoring our man and being incredibly loyal. Basically, we don't believe in cheating and don't want to do it. When we do, I feel that it is a result of being hurt somehow. Either we caught our man cheating, or he's simply ignoring us. And being ignored sounds like a trivial reason to cheat--but it's not. Love can die a slow and horrible death when it's ignored.
Great post, Lizzie. Glad I stopped by.
Posted by: Tess MacKall at Jan 28, 2011 11:04:05 AM
Yup, the first one who got fired was the one who refused to put on a raincoat. The affair was well-known on campus and he cheated with lots of women, not just me. I'm surprised I came out of that mess healthy and intact. He was a real jerk all around, and I'm glad I got rid of him when I did. I was young, impressionable, and stupid. Not anymore.
It's wonderful finding true love when you do find it, but affairs can really mess things up. You're dead on right that love can die a slow and horrible death if its ignored. I wonder how many long-term marriages are really between two people miserable with each other but they have such long histories they stick together anyway. Plus religion plays a big part in the decision to stay together.
Glad you stopped by, too, Tess. And congrats on your new release!
Posted by: The Countess at Jan 28, 2011 11:12:28 AM
You have no clue how much this post speaks to me...on soooo many different levels.
Posted by: Rhiannon Mills at Jan 28, 2011 11:21:22 AM
I don't believe in cheating, I don't see a circumstance under which it's ever okay or necessary for that matter. If you want to be with someone other than your partner, work it out with them and either open and expand the relationship, or leave the relationship. It's never seemed that complicated to me. But at the same time, my adult relationships have all been poly, with polyfidelity so I've never been put in a situation where I couldn't talk about attraction and emotional attachment to another. I've never felt obligated to a marriage and children while feeling like I'm drowning and only have this other person to cling to with nowhere to turn. I still don't think cheating is acceptable in that circumstance, but I understand the psychological impairment that makes it seem such.
Interestingly enough, women cheat less than men, but 1 in 400 fraternal twin births are children by different fathers. Considering the odds of having twins to begin with, there's a whole lot more going on out there than our surveys say. *grin*
Posted by: Xakara at Jan 28, 2011 11:22:03 AM
I have been lucky enough to get it all out in my writing! LOL
Posted by: Monica at Jan 28, 2011 11:23:04 AM
I can't figure out why people cheat. The fallout is often so catastrophic and painful, and yet people continue to do it. Is it worth losing your spouse, family, lifestyle, etc.? If we could fast forward to the fallout, less people would cheat. No one ever thinks they'll get caught. Too late they realize it's not worth it.
Posted by: Delaney Diamond at Jan 28, 2011 11:30:57 AM
I figured the post would hit some nerves, Rhiannon. I hope you haven't been hurt by cheating. If so, I hope he got his and then some.
Posted by: The Countess at Jan 28, 2011 11:34:51 AM
Xakara, I discovered poly a few years back, but it isn't for me. It's definitely not for my husband. I can see why it would work well in some circumstances, though. I wrote an article about poly for Nuts4chic magazine in the UK when I first learned about it. Everything gets down to trust, and when you cheat trust goes out the window.
Posted by: The Countess at Jan 28, 2011 11:37:07 AM
Monica, me too!!! I could never pull off my own fiction in real life. I'd be exhausted. LOL
I agree with you Delaney. Cheating just takes too much energy and it results is so much heartache. I'm in a happy marriage so I have no inclination to cheat at all. I've heard of some really boneheaded mistakes people make when they cheat, too. As in bang-your-head-on-your-desk stupidity. The fallout just isn't worth it.
Posted by: The Countess at Jan 28, 2011 11:39:47 AM
Interesting. I hadn't heard of this ever happening, but then realized that it actually could. So, I searched the news for other similar stories and found that it also happened in Texas a couple of years ago (http://www.nydailynews.com/lifestyle/health/2009/05/18/2009-05-18_texas_woman.html). At least in this case, it sounds like they are making the effort to work it out and continue with their marriage.
Posted by: Timothy at Jan 28, 2011 11:41:08 AM
I'm a gay man who's been in a monogamous relationship for 29 years. Well, that's a bit of a simplification for a complicated history, At first, we agreed to an "open relationship", until my partner decided that he could no longer deal with that. He thought would end the relationship - not realizing that love had tamed my wild side.
At one point, we had a "trial separation", and I met a man who traveled to our city frequently on business. We never went "all the way", and the next time he returned, we had ended the trial - he moved back home.
Since then, I've avoided temptation.
I've been cheated on. It hurts.
My first lover had an affair with a woman in our building who all of our friends knew I didn't like from the moment I met her - before he did. She went out of her way to try to get me to like her.
I thought they were just friends, and he spent hours up there playing chess, which I've never mastered. Just before our second anniversary as lovers, he moved in with her. I was so devistated, I was impotent for six months.
yeah, I got over it. It was hard, since they lived in the same building, but after her lease ended, they moved out.
"What goes around, comes around." She was an ceramics artist, and had created some objects for me when "seducing" me. I was curious about her career last year, so I did a web search. I found nothing under her professional name, so I searched her as married to him, and found her current resume.
She no longer dies her art - although the stuff I have is in the collections of Shel Silverstein and Hugh Heffner. She is also with a new husband. So I guess she dumped him, too.
By the way, I thought I'd mention that today is my FIRST release day as an Author! Whoo-hoo! (I'm just SLIGHTLY manic! - the date was a surprise to all 4 authors in the anthology)
Posted by: Ike Rose at Jan 28, 2011 11:58:23 AM
Imagine the pain of finding out that the man yo0u adore, the father of your children, has been out screwing around on you with someone you thought was a friend. Words fail me, but I blame both the cheater and the woman. Tehy knew he had a wife and kids, so he was off limits. Perhaps narrow minded of me, but the pain was devastating.
Posted by: Anonymous at Jan 28, 2011 12:11:21 PM
Timothy, someone on Facebook told me about another case, so it's not totally unheard of.
Thanks for telling me about yourself, Ike. And congrats on your first release! May you have many sales. :)
Anonymous, I can't imagine what you've been through since I"ve never been through it myself, but I'm glad you mentioned it here. No, you're not narrow-minded. I can see why it would be devastating.
Posted by: The Countess at Jan 28, 2011 4:46:47 PM
That's why I did all of my rebellious stuff when I was single. Once I decided I had found a man I wanted to stay with forever and married him, that was it for me. I've had so many bad experiences with men: they seem so hot, you are looking forward to it, then it's a huge disappointment for so many reasons. That's why I would never cheat. Why risk losing what I know to be a very good thing, for someone who might turn out to be all talk?
Posted by: Fiona McGier at Jan 28, 2011 11:43:50 PM