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August 26, 2010

Bogus Sexperts - Part Two: John "Mars/Venus" Gray

Part two of my series about bogus sexperts is up at Good Vibrations Magazine. This segment skewers John "Mars/Venus" Gray. Here's an excerpt:

Agony Aunts And Bogus Ph.Ds – A Critical Look At Sexperts – Part 2.

Gray likes pop-psychology terms for the way men and women behave, and his terms are simplistic, stereotypical, and rather embarrassing to read. He insists that “men are like rubber bands” who retreat into “caves” and “women are like waves” who “crash” into “wells”. According to the web site “The Rebuttal From Uranus”, the man’s cave is “voluntary – time to reflect, work things out, solve problems, rejuvenate.” The woman’s well, on the other hand, is “involuntary – darkness, overwhelmed, ‘emotional housecleaning’.”

Did any of that make sense to you? It threw me the first time I read it, too.

Go to Good Vibrations Magazine, put down your dildo, and read the rest.

Posted on August 26, 2010 at 08:34 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Mothering Tips I Learned From Nicolas Cage

Here I am, taking another break from writing about vibrators. When I was a new mom, I had two baby raising manuals - the movie "Raising Arizona" and every "Calvin and Hobbes" comic I could get my hands on. I didn't rely on Dr. Spock, those "Your Baby's First 12 Months" books, Dr. Phil, or parenting magazines. Needless to say I raised a very unusual kid. My son is now college aged and he just moved in with us so life has been interesting to say the least.

I realized that Nicolas Cage has played a big part in influencing my views on raising children, starting with his starring role in "Raising Arizona". Here are lessons I've learned from Nicolas Cage regarding child-rearing:

Raising Arizona

1. Don't leave the car seat on top of the car and then drive away.

2. Listen to your child's mother when she tells you what your child needs.

3. Never take on more children than you can handle.

Kick Ass

1. If you child is precocious, encourage out-of-the-box interests and behavior.

2. Always dress cool.

3. Don't talk down to your child. Treat your child like a person and not a toy.

4. Teach your child to be a skeptic and to question authority.

5. Teach your child about justice.

National Treasure

This movie is more about Nick Cage's relationship with his dad as played by Jon Voight.

1. Always support your child's wildest dreams, no matter how out-there they may be.

2. There's always another clue but it's worth following.

3. When you can, teach, such as showing your child the proper way to read invisible ink. Remember to use heat.

4. Encourage your child to think for him or herself.

So there you have it. I do have unusual parenting ideas and I think I did a fine job with my son. I am far from a helicopter parent, too. That's just not in my nature. So Nick Cage in all his quirkiness influenced my parenting style. And my son turned out fine.

Posted on August 26, 2010 at 08:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

August 25, 2010

Cute Target Commercial

I'm taking a break writing about dildos to show you a really cute commercial for Target. I love the song! Check it out.

Posted on August 25, 2010 at 12:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Sex Toys Sales Still Going Strong In This Recession

It's come as no surprise to me that sex toys sales are booming in this bad economy. People aren't going out to dinner. Instead of plunking down a hundred bucks on a meal, they're staying home and buying vibrators and having a grand old time in the privacy of their bedroom... or kitchen... or garage... or backyard... or hot tub. You get what I mean.

Most of my work is with sex toys companies. I work for several. I'm an affiliate and I make money from sales of sex toys I review on my blog. I write for several magazines published by sex toys companies, namely Sexis and Good Vibrations and Sexy Mama Magazines. It's fun writing about sex and getting paid for it. Not many people have jobs they enjoy - when they have jobs with this high unemployment. I've been reviewing sex toys for so long that I can now get premium sex toys for review. My favorites are Lelo toys and I have an electrosex kit to review soon.

If you're looking for a good sex toy and you're new to this, or if you aren't new but you want something different, check out my review category. I review cheap and expensive toys but all of them are good. Here's the link: Elizabeth Black - Sex Toys Reviews. And enjoy your shopping experience!

Posted on August 25, 2010 at 09:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

August 24, 2010

Ray Bradbury, Sex Symbol

"Fuck Me, Ray Bradbury" is the cutest, sexiest video I've seen in a long time. I had to take a break from writing about sex toys to tell you about it. Rather than get hot and horny for frat boys her own age, Rachel Bloom gets all moist in the knickers for nonagenarian superstar science fiction and fantasy writer Ray Bradbury, who I hear likes this video. It's definitely not safe for work. It's below, so enjoy it.

I can see the appeal. Smart, sexy, older men have always appealed to me, and as I get older I like the scientist, professorial, geek types that are older than the fifty years of age I used to prefer. This video just proves to me that smart is sexy no matter how old you are.

Posted on August 24, 2010 at 09:43 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

August 19, 2010

Toxic Companies

Boy, do I know how those young men feel! A survey found the obvious: 60% of young male workers want to punch their colleagues in the face. I've worked for toxic companies long before enjoying my days writing about dildos, massage oils, and bondage toys. I have often had fantasies of punching out my bosses as well as my co-workers. And those fantasies focused in particular on one company I worked for back in the 1980s.

I won't name the place, but I will say that it was the most hostile, psychotic, sexist, and psychologically damaging place I ever worked. I needed the money so I put up with the abuse for two years. It is a federal contractor where I worked as a typist transcribing documentation for federal filings. All I did for eight hours every day was type, type, type, and the faster I did it the better.

Was I thanked for my hard work? Hell no! I was ridiculed, called stupid, put down constantly, and reduced to tears on numerous occasions. This job prepared me psychologically for accepting an abusive marriage. My boss used to call in a local woman who could type faster than the speed of sound and the staff would praise this woman's talents while putting me down even more mercilessly than usual.

I see the guy who was president when I worked there is still president. He used to fall asleep at his desk holding up a magazine in front of him so he didn't look like he slept on the job. I used to walk in with his mail and quietly sit it in front of him on the desk so when he'd wake up from dozing he'd see his mail and know someone caught him napping on the job. I got a kick out of that.

But wait, there's more! One morning one of the managers did not show up for work. His wife had called the office to ask if anyone had seen him. She said he didn't come home the night before and she was worried. So the managers got in their cars and drove around town looking for him, fearing to find him dead in a ditch somewhere. After about an hour of that, someone got the bright idea of opening his office. There he was on the floor, passed out drunk and starting on a hang-over. He'd been out getting trashed all night. This man had on one of his drunken binges sexually harassed me in the past.

I was so demoralized working at this place that I honestly didn't think I'd ever find a job anywhere else and I needed the money to pay my bills. Leaving was the healthiest thing I had ever done. And yes, I wanted to punch out my colleagues and bosses every second of every day.

Schadenfreude alert: I was curious to see if this outfit was still around and it is. It also is engaged in the same horrid behavior I suffered when I worked there. This company was sued by the EEOC for disability discrimination recently. The man who suffered ill treatment by this company was harassed, humiliated, and eventually fired one week before he was due to return to work after being on medical leave. Gee, I can relate. Those people should be sent to Venus to work in a mine for eternity.

I'm much happier doing the work I do now. I look back on that horrible job as fodder for my fiction. It was the most horrible working experience of my life and I'm glad it's behind me.

Posted on August 19, 2010 at 08:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack

August 18, 2010

Skype For Visitation

At first, Skype for visitation sounds like a wonderful idea. Using in this court case enabled a mom to relocate out of state with her children - something that courts aren't allowing as much in the past ten years.

There are problems, though. Skype has security issues.


Also, if dad in the case in question is not a nice sort, he can encourage the kids to download files from the internet that contain malware so he can track his ex-wife's computer usage. Not good.

Full disclosure: I use Skype and so do my husband and son. We also use Ventrilo. I conduct interviews about sex, vibrators, and human sexuality experts on Skype. My husband and I use cell phones so I have no way of recording my interviews that way. I use Skype to discuss article topics and assignments with my editors. Besides, Skype-To-Skype is free and long distance phone calls are prohibitively expensive. I like Skype very much and I am willing to use it knowing of the security issues but I'm not all that concerned because I know the people I talk to and I don't download anything unless I know exactly what it is. I know I'm not entirely safe but I'm less likely to get viruses, trojans, spyware, and malware since I use a Mac.

Still, Skype for visitation with an abuser or hostile dad or mom could be problematic. When I won a moveaway from Maryland to Massachusetts with my son Skype wasn't around yet. We used e-mail, which to me is considerably safer. No downloads allowed and my son didn't download anyway. Frankly, I don't think my ex was computer savvy enough to know about spyware or malware. I have always been careful about what I download onto my computer and I've never downloaded anything nasty. I understand the thought behind court ordering a mom in this case to set up Skype for herself, her ex, and the kids but I recognize that there could be problems.

Posted on August 18, 2010 at 09:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

August 17, 2010

Why Do Women Lust After A Jerk Like Don Draper On "Mad Men"?

I'm a late-comer to the joys of AMC's critically acclaimed show ""Mad Men". After missing the first season, I rented the show shortly before the second season started and I have been happily addicted ever since. I find all of the characters very fascinating, full of depth, and multi-layered.

I also do not lust after Don Draper, unlike apparently many women - some of whom call themselves feminist - who get wet in the panties at the mere sight of his chiseled jaw. But why??? The man is an emotionally stunted, insensitive, cold, inconsiderate, wife-cheating, selfish, sexist jerk. I think the only thing he has going for him is that Jon Hamm, who plays Draper, is painfully gorgeous. He is The Pretty, and if he weren't I seriously doubt women would fantasize so much about a buck naked Don Draper dipped in fragrant oil and spread out on their comforters next to their sex toys. As Greta Christina wrote in her article about Draper, Jon Hamm, and "Mad Men" (Quoting Amanda Marcotte), "Do we really think women all over the country would be drooling over Don Draper if he was played by Ron Howard?" No, we don't.

I know women who want to sprinkle little bits of Don Draper on their breakfast cereal every morning and eat him right up. Om nom nom! Did you know that there is Don Draper fan fiction? I kid you not. Here's one example in its entirety because it's so short. It's called "Leave It To Beaver" by Modren Man. It's well-written and brings up a key element in the Don Draper fantasy that I will delve into in this article.

He kisses my neck.

I think somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew about his infidelities. I just chose to ignore it and fill my mind with happy thoughts. Like on Leave it to Beaver. June Cleaver's husband doesn't cheat on her. Then again, they live in a fake world where everybody is nice to each other, nobody swears, and everyone is happy. The Cleavers never deal with accidental pregnancies. They never deal with financial woes. They never deal with cheating husbands.

Little pecks along the way.

I could just dance the pain away. I know that sounds corny, but I could just drag Don to a club, pray for my favorite song to come on, and dance 'til the stars don't shine. I sound like one of those generic swing songs, but I'm honest. If I take him to the club, though, how will I know he won't glance at other women? How will I know he's thinking about dancing with me and only me? I won't.

But then he turns me around and stares me in the eye. He whispers "I love you," pounding his lips on mine, bruising them in the process. He caresses my small baby bump with his hand and I smile. I knows we'll get through this. We always do.

At least, we always have.

All the attention Don Draper gets from horny women begs the question: what the hell do those women see in him?

I think I know because when I was younger I dated and screwed around with my share of emotionally-stunted man-children. These guys don't start out being jerks. Initially they are quite charming and attentive. If they're handsome like Jon Hamm that's a big plus. I recall one man with a bit of pain, looking in hindsight. I met him in a theatre troupe where we both worked on the crew. I did lighting and makeup and he was the producer. That put him in a position of power, which I found very attractive. He was also about twenty years older than me - fitting right in with my penchant for bagging older men. During the first year he was charming, attentive, lustful - and secretive because he was married. We never had sex nor did we meet outside the theatre rehearsals and performances. We were engaged in one massive, overheated lust-fest for an entire year.

I made a huge mistake, though. I fell in love with him.

When the new season started and a new crop of nubile young women joined the troupe, he suddenly and without warning gave me the cold shoulder. No longer did he wait at the front door for me to show up to carry my makeup case and talk to me. No longer did he bring me glasses of wine during performances. No longer did he surprise me by visiting me unannounced at my job. No longer did we make out passionately backstage. No longer did he praise my hard work and crow about me to the theatre staff.

I became a non-person as he flirted with and made out with new women on the staff, all the while completely ignoring me without explanation. I was mortified and crushed. When I later confronted him on the phone about his shitty treatment of me, he blamed me for the way things turned out, saying that he was just fooling around and that he knew I loved him. He just didn't care. When I got too emotionally attached to him he decided I was no fun anymore so he cut me off without warning. He even compared me to the Glenn Close character in "Fatal Attraction" because I wouldn't let go the way he wanted me to. Selfish prick. He was upset when I told him I heard on the gossip mill that he had a reputation for fooling around with lots of women, which I sadly heard about only after it was far too late. His only concern was where the gossip was coming from, not about the content of the gossip. It took me a long time to get over this guy, and he wasn't even handsome like Jon Hamm.

My point of that story is that there is a huge difference between getting involved with a sexist, inconsiderate, selfish asshole in real life and fantasizing about one on "Mad Men". The Don Draper fan fic I posted here has a very big clue in it, and it's something that Greta Christina noted in her own article:

And when women fantasize about bad-boy rogues who treat women like dirt, the bad boys almost never treat us badly. They're fascinated with us. They find us hauntingly compelling: so hauntingly compelling that, even though they usually use women and toss them aside, they somehow can't tear themselves away from us. (Boy, is it embarrassing to admit that.) I think that's something people forget about bad-boy fantasies. Much of the time, they're not about bad boys. They're about bad boys going good because of us. They're not about wanting to be mistreated. They're about wanting to be special.

And it's entirely possible to enjoy idealized fantasies of being special, so special that we inspire the dangerous, callous, villainous bad boy to change his ways (while retaining his dangerous edge, of course)... and still, in our real lives, recognize these bad boys as the self-absorbed jackasses they are. It's possible to recognize that the reality of bad boys is nowhere near as much fun as the fantasy.

Reread that fan fic and notice how Draper kisses Betty (I'm assuming it's Betty) and declares his undying love for her. She's The One for him, which is part of the fantasy. A bad boy will treat all other women like trash but all he needs is the right woman to melt his icy heart and bring out his tenderness. I've seen the same fantasy applied to vampire movies and fiction - all the vamp needs is "the right woman" to bring out his humanity. This is a very powerful fantasy that lots of women have and it fits right in with why so many otherwise sensible women have gone totally apeshit over Don Draper. Remember that the woman having the fantasy controls the fantasy. She decides where it goes. She decides that the pain of his coldness, selfishness, and infidelities will cease once her bad boy falls in love with her and she is able to melt his icy heart and ease his pain. It's a very soothing fantasy to have.

It also in no way represents what it's like to date a real jerk in real life and every woman who enjoys the bad boy fantasy knows this. Don Draper fits right into that fantasy world and that's what women are attracted to. The backwards, reactionary men's rights types (also jerks in real life) think women reject them - the "nice guys" (jerks of another sort worthy of their own post...) - in favor of "jerks". Nothing could be farther from the truth.

In closing, I can understand why so many women cream their panties over Don Draper. Just don't count me as one of them. And remember, there is fantasy and there is reality. And neither resemble the other in the least.

Posted on August 17, 2010 at 12:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

August 15, 2010

"Destiny" by Zero 7

Oh, I love this song! I heard it while watching "Blue Crush", one of my favorite summer movies. I wonder if she used sex toys while watching porn in her lonely hotel room?

Here are the lyrics because she's a bit hard to understand.


I lie awake
I've gone to ground
I'm watching porn
In my hotel dressing gown
Now I dream of you
But I still believe
There's only enough for one in this
Lonely hotel suite

The journey's long
And it feels so bad
I'm thinking back to the last day we had.
Old moon fades into the new
Soon I know I'll be back with you
I'm nearly with you
I'm nearly with you

When I'm weak I draw strength from you
And when you're lost I know how to change your mood
And when I'm down you breathe life over me
Even though we're miles apart we are each other's destiny

On a clear day
I'll fly home to you
I'm bending time getting back to you
Old moon fades into the new
Soon I know I'll be back with you
I'm nearly with you
I'm nearly with you

When I'm weak I draw strength from you
And when you're lost I know how to change your mood
And when I'm down you breathe life over me
Even though we're miles apart we are each other's destiny

When I'm weak I draw strength from you
And when you're lost I know how to change your mood
And when I'm down you breathe life over me
Even though we're miles apart we are each other's destiny

I'll fly, I'll fly home
I'll fly home and I'll fly home

Posted on August 15, 2010 at 10:50 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

August 12, 2010

Bah! Older Women Are Still Sexy!

Yeah, I've seen the "Awful Celebrity Plastic Surgery" web sites. Demi Moore for some reason had $500,000 worth of plastic surgery done to make her more marketable in films and she didn't even need the work. I'm tired of seeing photos of Jennifer Love Hewitt at the beach with captions saying she's fat when she's not. And the same comparing Britney Spears pre- and post-baby, saying she's fat or old or whatever. I suspect the complaints are coming from guys who are miffed that their dildo fantasies about these women when they were nubile little sex kittens haven't panned out. And these guys aren't so great looking themselves, as if they have reason to judge.

By the way, male actors don't age well, either. Granted, I don't agree with all of these pictures. I think this site simply has a rotten looking picture of Johnny Depp who is still very fetching. And Nick Cage and Sean Penn have aged very well. It's the ones with plastic surgery that really look inhuman like Burt Reynolds and Mickey Roarke. Then there's Nick Nolte, who's in a category all his own. Remember his mug shot? Yikes!

Here are photos that show older women are definitely beautiful and sexy.

Tia Carrere

Raquel Welch

Jaclyn Smith

Hammer Girl Veronica Carlson

Posted on August 12, 2010 at 11:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack