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July 31, 2010

Sexual Attitudes

According to this New Zealand survey about sexual attitudes, men are happier with their sex lives than are women. That doesn't surprise me. If I don't get the right kind of sexual stimulation, namely clit action (especially with vibrators, I don't enjoy sex as much as I could. I'm one of those few women who does not need a lot of foreplay to get aroused. Since I'm a sex writer and erotic romance writer, I think about sex all the time so I'm in a perpetual state of arousal. My history of not wanting to get caught doing The Nasty also made me want to get to the orgasm as fast as possible. I've learned over the years to draw out the sex play so that it's not Wham, Bam, Thank You Ma'am. Now, I do like foreplay quite a bit and I found that it enhances the entire experience. Foreplay also helps my husband get into the mood. Although he still has erectile problems we often massage each other so while intercourse ain't gonna happen we enjoy playing with sex toys and giving each other massages with fragrant oils.

Still, this survey resulted in some interesting findings. More men want their women to initiate sex. I sometimes initiated sex with my various sex partners and they liked it. One even called me insatiable. I can get into that. The survey also found that more men and women want to receive compliments and more affection. I suppose the affection could be part of the foreplay that too many couples seem to be missing. My husband and I are very affectionate with each other all day long so that's not a problem for us.

This sentence from the article reporting on the survey struck home: "Ninety five percent of respondents said their initial attraction still holds true, 92% said their partner is their best friend, and 96% enjoy spending time together." All are definitely true for my husband and me. I'm still attracted to him after sixteen years, he's my best friend (and I'm his - he calls me his soulmate and I agree), and we love spending time together. We have the same interests, the same political outlook, and we have the same sense of humor, although mine is more dry than his. We're also absolutely delighted that my college-aged son is living with us again!

While this survey didn't tell me anything I didn't already know, it was fun to read it and compare the answers to my own life.

Posted on July 31, 2010 at 11:21 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Stop By Naughty Girl Guide

Naughty Girl Guide is a sweet little web site where you can find all the sex gear you could possibly want. Whether it's sex toys, chat, social networking (blog and forum), lingerie, and more, there's something for everyone at Naughty Girl Guide. This site is new so some things aren't open yet, such as the sin-a-plex (love the name!) but it's only a matter of time before everything is up and running.

The blog is updated frequently with interesting topics including sex toys, what is a "naughty girl", having sex on the first date, and much more. The posts are provocative and chatty, fun to read, and just the right length. While they are designed to get commenters to come out of the woodwork the commenters haven't arrived yet. But they will in a short time!

The forums are set up with sections for all kinds of sex toys ranging from toys for men and women to toys for gays and lesbians. There's a category for everyone. I like the way the forum is set up. It reminds me of the Coffeetime Romance forums I frequent when I update about my books and articles. It also reminded me of the GoodReads forums I hang out in. This will be a place where you can hang out and talk about sex positivity and sex toys. I'd recommend including a section for off-topic discussions like movies, television, books, etc. Those sections always attract lots of people. You can even play word association games, which I've noticed are very popular in other forums.

I found all my favorite sex toys including Lelo (my ultimate favorite), Aneros, Kama Sutra, Fukuoku, and Berman. I didn't see any Jimmyjane products. Please stock them! They're incredible and they sell well. Products are listed by company in a handy drag down menu. The prices ranges are good and this Naughty Girl Guide carries plenty of vibrators, dildos, and other sex toys so that you have many varieties to choose from. Whether you want a cheap sex toy or an expensive one, Naughty Girl Guide has the sex toys for you. Buy them for yourself or as a gift for someone you love.

All in all this is a nice site. It's fun to navigate, very animated, and it's easy to work through. Plus it has all those wonderful toys and lingerie for sale! Hang out in the forums and chat then pick up a Rabbit vibrator or other sex toy. I highly recommend Naughty Girl Guide.

Posted on July 31, 2010 at 11:04 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

July 28, 2010

Hands-Free Orgasm?

I started watching a very interesting show on The Learning Channel called Strange Sex. One segment was about a woman who can have an orgasm without touching herself, and she created a nice little cottage industry for herself teaching others how to have hands-free orgasms. It all looked rather ridiculous to me, these men and women lying on yoga mats rocking back and forth and moaning a lot. Lots of giggling and writhing.

The thing is, I can come without touching myself. It's sort of related to dry-fucking, but it's fun to do. I'm usually in a perpetual state of sexual arousal so just thinking about things that turn me on get me all hot and bothered. If I'm out in public it wouldn't be proper to stick my hands down my pants or whip out a vibrator, would it? Here's what I do instead:

I tighten my pelvic floor muscles and clench my thighs together very tightly. I also rock back and forth, which puts some pressure on my pussy and clit. The Kegel exercises make a huge difference, though. I get very aroused when I do this, and I can do it sitting at the computer typing away (har har!), in the movie theatre watching a flick, sitting in a boring meeting, or driving the car, although I don't recommend doing this while you're driving. Driving While Horny is not a great way to add points to your driving record.

I often have very vivid erotic dreams and I have had orgasms in my sleep. A few times I awaken mid-orgasm and I'm still horny so I have to whip out my trusty Lelo Liv and satisfy myself all over again. Once I have several orgasms (my dream orgasms are very intense and I often need to come several times after having one), I can safely and quietly go back to sleep. I don't make a lot of noise when I masturbate and I make even less noise when I come so doing this doesn't disturb my husband, the cats, or the neighbors.

So, hands-free orgasms are not all that improbable. It just takes a bit of practice to do it right. The results are worth the effort.

Posted on July 28, 2010 at 11:18 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

July 27, 2010

What, No Bondage Dungeon?

I don't own my dream house yet but when I do I now know to avoid these eight most overrated home projects. In order they are 1. whirlpool bath, 2. room additions, 3. "Versailles" kitchens, 4. marble counters (or other porous surfaces), 5. deck off the master bedroom, 6. elaborate home theatres, 7. hot tub, and 8. overly complicated home automation.

My main question is: what about the bondage dungeon?

While most of the stuff on the list doesn't interest me, a few do, like the whirlpool bath, "Versaille" kitchen, and hot tub. I'd like the hot tub on the deck outside our kitchen and living room so we can enjoy our champagne while soaking. The deck off the master bedroom isn't a bad idea either because I'd turn it into a greenhouse for my plants and especially my herbs. But I ask again...

What about the bondage dungeon?

With all the sex toys I own I need a bondage dungeon. I need a special closet to house my vibrators, dildos, and other gear. I want a special dresser just for my LELO toys. But I'm not into bondage per se. I just like having sex. If you want a bondage dungeon, here's what you need:

Spanking horse

Massage table

Hooks in the ceiling for chains, restraints, etc.

Bondage chairs

Leg and arm stocks

Head and wrist yoke

Bondage cross

I'd also love to hear my favorite music piped into the room via my iPod. I'd need a small fridge for my glass dildos as well as a small cooker with a pan if I want to heat them up. A hot tub or whirlpool bath in this room would be a keeper. I'd also need a flat screen TV and all my porn dvds in the room so we can either listen to music or watch a movie while going at it. I love to read or watch movies in the bath so I'd have my favorite bath oils and bubbles on a table near the tub or pool. I'd keep my favorite sex toys on a wooden table in the center of the room so I can grab them whenever I need them. My electro-sex toys (something new I'm into) would go on another table near one of my bondage chairs.

I can imagine my bondage dungeon done up like an Edwardian room - lace curtains covered by thick red or green velvet drapes, ornate oak tables with antique oil lamps lit to set a mood, fairy lights around the ceiling, huge floor plants, ornate glass bottles in the windows to catch the light, stained glass windows, ceiling fans, and large Oriental rugs throughout the room. I'd have a special table just for my incense. I like Japanese incense, mostly white cloud and Kyoto cherry blossom. They will leave a delicate scent in the room.

I think I can get into this. So tell me, what would you put in your bondage dungeon?

Posted on July 27, 2010 at 03:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

July 22, 2010

No, You DON'T Write Like Shakespeare!

A fun little program called "You Write Like..." is making the rounds in the writer's circles I hang out in. I won't give it a link because the purpose of the program is to drive up hits and attention for a vanity press site. You've probably seen this program so there's no real need to post a link and give the site traffic.

You copy/paste your writing into the window and the program tells you what famous writer your writing most resembles. Yeah, it's pure silliness but get this - it's a program to advertise a vanity publisher, and good writers know to avoid them like the plague. Everyone's already copy/pasted famous works and the program didn't identify the correct writer.

I wanted to have a little fun with this program so I plugged in one of my descriptions of dildos I wrote for a sex toys company. Here's what I submitted (a description of a black bikini): "Black is sexy like a panther! This gorgeous tie-up triangle bikini will turn heads when you appear wearing it. Coloured a sensuous black, this bikini may be used as a swim suit or as beachwear. Due to the variable straps this bikini may be worn in many ways. Very elastic. Comes in sizes S – L."

Apparently, my ad copy is most like Stephen King. I have no idea why.

Still curious, I plugged in this paragraph from my work in progress, "Don't Call Me 'Baby'"

"She stroked his shaft, gripping him harder as her hand reached the base. Every time she squeezed, his cock jumped in her hand. She liked the way it looked and felt in her hand. Purple with arousal and thick with veins, the well-formed head glistened with pre-cum. In her years since starting college, she had enjoyed many different types of cocks, and Alex's was especially hot because it was so big and he was uncut. She liked the look of hard cocks. When they were hard they were so sensitive. A twist a little too far this way or that way could hurt, yet she knew from what past lovers had told her the pain felt so good. She liked pulling Alex's cock too far, just to get a painful yet aroused reaction out of him. Although she felt impatient, she relished in the fact that she was a good lay. Her blowjob skills had improved greatly over the months, and she could make Alex come very quickly with her hand jobs. As she gently rolled back his foreskin and stroked his growing shaft, she cradled his balls in her other hand. She liked the way his cock grew to nearly twice its size, when all she did was brush her fingers against it. It felt hard yet sinewy, like a garden hose full of water. She enjoyed the effect she had on him, and she relished her power. Sex was a heady power surge, and Catherine could not get enough of it."

Hmmm... Stephen King again. Go figure. I don't recall him ever doing the nasty in his books but I haven't read them all yet.

So I copy/pasted a bit more of my WIP:

"Yes, stroke it, baby. Go slowly."

"Don't call me 'baby'." She hated it when he called her 'baby'. It made her feel like she was his property. She preferred "Honey" which sounded more affectionate. She'd even accept "Hon", which was a popular term of endearment in her native Baltimore but Alex was from New York. She hated "Baby" because it sounded so crude to her. Her roommate's obnoxious boyfriend called her "baby" when he was trying to lie to her, so the word left a bad taste in Catherine's mouth.

"Slow down. Don't pump at it like that."

I'll pump it any way I want. What if a cop drives up? We certainly can't explain ourselves to a Man In Blue. She stroked his cock gently, moving her palm up and down his shaft. His cock jumped in her hand. Rubbing her thumb across his head and then giving him a gentle squeeze, she heard him moan. Jizz leaked out and dribbled on his head, and she spread it with her fingers as if it were lubricant for her moist and hot hand. She curled against his chest, and pressed her ear against his rib cage. His heart thundered in his chest, as it always did when she beat him off. He loved a good hand job, and she really didn't mind turning him on so much, because turning him on made her feel sexy. No other woman turned him on the way she did. Not even his wife. But impatience overtook her mood this evening, and she wanted to do other things, like eat. Her stomach growled. She was famished, and all she could think about was a good venison dinner at their favorite restaurant. After he comes, we'll go out for something to eat. And he's going to come soon, by the way his cock feels right now.

"Suck on it. I love it when you suck on it."

Of course he loved it. She honed her technique on him, and being that she was alone with him in his Mercedes, she decided to pass the time by practicing a bit more. His wife wouldn't go down on him, so she made sure she was the best suck he ever had. And she was.

After moistening her lips with her tongue, she pressed her soft lips against the head of his cock, tasting the salty jizz that had leaked out of his hole. Her tongue flicked across his head quickly, and she heard his heart bang in her ears as she rested her head against his stomach. Relaxing her throat, she took in all of his cock until the head rested in the back of her throat. She had taught herself to relax her throat enough to calm her gag reflex, so when she took in his cock, she took in all of it. His hips bucked as she flicked her tongue over his shaft, this way and that, feeling him grow harder and harder. That was her butterfly technique, and he loved it when she flicked along his shaft with her tongue."

This time it came back Margaret Atwood. WTF????!?

Okay, now it was time to really test this stupid thing. I copy/pasted "Damn damn damn damn damn " about one hundred times and it came back correct - J. D. Salinger. Ha!

Then I tried "Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck " about one hundred times and it came back Chuck Palahnuik, the guy who wrote "Fight Club". Meh.

Next I tried "fart fart fart fart fart " and it came out David Foster Wallace. I fully expected Philip Roth, thinking of "Portnoy's Complaint".

Interesting "Poop coming out now. " about one hundred times came out Margaret Atwood. So she likes fucking and poop?

By the way, if you copy/paste less than 140 characters the program tells you it won't analyze your tweets. Derp.

All of this seemed lacking in purpose so I delved further. I was invited to sign up for a newsletter to learn to be a better writer but I didn't want to get more spam than I already get. I heard that this program was for a vanity press but the info about vanity publishing had been removed from the site. I did find what I needed on Making Light:

So I went to the I Write Like site, subject of the post just below, and entered this text:

asdp0o pvpm eropms spe pebps.
And it told me I write like James Joyce.

Not even trying? Not even rational! Therefore, I asked myself, what’s the scam? So I looked at the rest of the text on the results page:

Great job! Do you want to get your book published?
“I have personally read through thousands of book proposals in my career as a publisher and agent. I know what these professionals are looking for—and what they are not looking for.”
— Michael Hyatt, Chairman and CEO of Thomas Nelson Publishers.

Learn how to secure a book publishing contract!

That little bit includes two links, both to the same page: http://michaelhyatt.com/products/ebook-writing-a-winning-book-proposal

Yep, it’s SEO. And they’re using social engineering to get those links wide-spread and high in the Google stats. Helpful little cut-n-paste code to put in your blog!

But wait! There’s more!

Go over to that advertised page, and you’ll find a pair of $19.97 e-books by the above-said and afore-mentioned Michael Hyatt. These books promise to tell you such insider secrets as how to “avoid the three items you should NEVER include in a fiction book proposal.” Wow, I can’t wait to find out.

So, who’s Michael Hyatt, and what is Thomas Nelson?

Do you all recall Harlequin, and their recent dip in the vanity pool? Harlequin wasn’t the first or the only formerly-legitimate publisher to go down that road with Author Solutions. No, that honor goes to Thomas Nelson. But, since Thomas Nelson is a “Christian Publisher,” no one noticed at the time. Indeed, Thomas Nelson’s journey to the dark side is even sleazier than Harlequin’s. While Harlequin created a new imprint, “Harlequin Horizons,” as their vanity brand, Thomas Nelson used the name of an existing and formerly legitimate imprint, WestBow, for theirs. Thus, anyone checking up on the publisher’s name before submitting would find a long history of reasonably-selling books by known authors.

This “I Write Like” site isn’t remotely legitimate. No, they aren’t trying; or, anyway, they aren’t trying to analyze writing samples: They’re trying to lure newbie authors to the rocks and shoals of vanity publication.

[UPDATE 18JUL10]: The link has been changed from Michael Hyatt’s e-books to King’s On Writing at Amazon. I apologize to Dmitry Chestnykh for thinking that he didn’t really exist and was entirely a creation of Thomas Nelson to drive clicks to their site.

The main point of my post is that as news of the actual nature of this site gets around, it keeps changing to hide what it's really after - lots of hits and gullible wannabe writers who don't understand that the money flows from the publisher to the writer, not the other way around.

Still, it's cool to know that Margaret Atwood likes fucking and poop. Learn something new every day.


Posted on July 22, 2010 at 11:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

July 21, 2010

Cunnilingus In The Kama Sutra

Here's more from that wonderful web site describing oral sex in the Kama Sutra. Of course, it's only fair to go muff diving if you expect a little cock sucking. I recommend incorporating your favorite vibrators into cunnilingus, or go it alone. The quotes below are from an article about the Kama Sutra and cunnilingus. My comments are interspersed in red, the color of lust.

The Method Of Cunnilingus In The Kama Sutra

Of course one good turn always deserves another, and this was no less true in Ancient Hindu culture. Thus Vatsyayana's Kama Sutra went on to describe the reciprocal act of cunnilingus for the man who wanted to return the favor.

[Why not try sixty-nine? Then both of you get to benefit from simultaneous oral sex. I do agree that a man who expects a woman to blow him should reciprocate in kind. I hate it when a guy expects a woman to go down on him but he won't go down on her because he thinks she's icky.]

"With delicate fingertips, pinch the arched lips of her house of love very very slowly together, and kiss them as though you kissed her lower lip; this is Adhara-sphuritam." This is rendered the Quivering Kiss.

[The vulva are very sensitive and they deserve as much if not more attention than the clitoris. The gentle kiss rather than mowing her down as if she was a lawn can have her shivering from head to toe.]

"Now spread, indeed cleave asunder, that archway with your nose and let your tongue gently probe her yoni, with your nose, lips and chin slowly circling. It becomes Jihva-bhramanaka." Also called the Circling Tongue.

[If you must, pour a little flavored lube on her before going down. Some women do have a very strong taste and smell. The flavored lube makes cunnilingus much more pleasant for both partners. Try a sensitizing gel before going down on her and watch her squirm with delight! This Kama Sutra technique is like a kitten lapping a saucer of milk. Take in all of her with your tongue. It's time for exploration!]

"Let your tongue rest for a moment in the archway to the flower-bowed Lord's temple before entering to worship vigorously, causing her seed to flow. This is Jihva-mardita" or the Tongue Massage.

[Don't forget to stick your tongue into her vagina. Cunnilingus isn't only about the outer sex organs.]

"Next, fasten your lips to hers and take deep kisses from this lovely one, your beloved, nibbling at her and sucking hard at her clitoris; this is called Chushita." This Chushita is translated as Sucked.

[This is my favorite part. The suction pressure and the attention to my fullness, along with that clit action, can drive me completely wild. If you want to make a woman come hard perfect this technique.]

"Place your darling on a couch, set her feet to your shoulders, clasp her waist, suck hard and let your tongue stir her overflowing love-temple. This is called Bahuchushita" or Sucked Hard.

[Having her legs spread makes her sex more accessible to you, therefore arousing her more and giving you room to work on her. Flatten your tongue as you go down on her so that she gets the full sensation of your love-making.]

"If the pair of you lie side by side, facing opposite ways, and kiss each other's secret parts using the ten techniques described above, it is known as Kalila." Kalila means the Crow.

[Ah, just as I mentioned - Sixty-Nine! This is such a fun position and both of you benefit from it. Use your hands to rub her thighs and his balls and thighs. Stick a finger in his or her anus to make oral sex even more enjoyable. Remember folks, sex isn't only about penile penetration into a woman. It's much more than that and all of it is delicious!]

More men need to go down on women. Women enjoy cunnilingus and if you go down on her she will likely respond in kind with you. I get so tired of hearing from men who refuse to do this wonderful act because they say they are nauseated by the taste and smell of a woman, yet they fully expect a woman to give them a blow job. Guys, giving you a blow job in many ways can be just as distasteful but given the right tools the act can be very pleasant. Plus, it's fun to sexually please your partner. Quid pro quo, dudes!

Posted on July 21, 2010 at 10:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

July 20, 2010

Fellatio In The Kama Sutra

Fellatio is more than grinding your mouth over your lover's cock until he comes hard on your face, your chest, in your hair, or down your throat. It is an art. Look no further than the Kama Sutra for some hot tips on going down on your man. I prefer to use sex toys like flavored lube to make the practice more fun and pleasant for me. Warming lubes are also great to use when blowing your guy. The quotes below are from an article about the Kama Sutra and fellatio. My comments are interspersed in red, the color of lust.

The Method Of Fellatio In The Kama Sutra

The Kama Sutra describes the act of fellatio in great detail, breaking it down into individual steps. It is described in the following quotes.

"When your lover catches your lingam in her hand and, shaping her lips to an 'O', lays them lightly to its tip, moving her head in tiny circles, this first step is called Nimitta." Nimitta is translated as Touching.

[This is a very pleasant technique that focuses on the sensitive head, which sometimes gets neglected when going down on your man. You can also tap your tongue on the tip of his head while encircling his head with your lips.]

"Next, grasping its head in her hand, she clamps her lips tightly about the shaft, first on one side then the other, taking great care that her teeth don't hurt you. This is Parshvatoddashta." This is called Biting at the Sides.

[I like doing this one because it gives me a break from deep-throating, which I don't do particularly well since I have a very sensitive gag reflex. Running your lips along his shaft combined with flicking your tongue on it makes this technique even more arousing.]

"Now she takes the head of your lingam gently between her lips, by turns pressing, kissing it tenderly and pulling at its soft skin. This is Bahiha-samdansha." This is called the Outer Pincers.

[Remember that the head is the most sensitive part of the penis (lingam). Give it lots of attention, alternating between direct attention and then pressing your lips and tongue against his shaft.]

"If next she allows the head to slide completely into her mouth and presses the shaft firmly between her lips, holding a moment before pulling away, it is Antaha-samdansha." This is translated as the Inner Pincers.

[A little suction makes this movement very arousing. Rocking your head from side to side while moving his penis in and out of your mouth also drives him mad.]

"When she senses that your orgasm is imminent she swallows up the whole lingam, sucking and working upon it with lips and tongue until you spend, this is Sangara." Sangara literally means Swallowed Whole.

[This is as close to deep-throating as you can get and you get your entire mouth in on the action - tongue, lips, cheeks, suction, the works.]

Alternate all these techniques, taking your cues from his reactions, breathing, and vocalizations, and you'll be the God/Goddess of Blow Jobs in no time. Make your partner very happy by honing these techniques.

Posted on July 20, 2010 at 03:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

July 15, 2010

Sexting The Wrong Person, Drunk Dialing, and Drunk E-mailing

While I write about sex, write erotic romances, and review dildos I've never engaged in sexting nor have I drunk dialed. I have drunk e-mailed, though, although I try to not do that often. If I feel even the slightest bit tipsy I won't even comment on FARK. That said, I read an interesting article about sexting the wrong person. I mean, can you imagine sexting some hot guy and accidentally sending the message to your parish priest because their names are right next to each other in your phone's address book? We have rudimentary cell phones so for us sexting is not much of a problem. I've never sent a text message to anyone anyway and I have no idea how to do it.

Speaking of drunk dialing, remember that scene in the movie "Sideways" where that wimp Miles drunk dialed his ex? He was rambling on about wine when she realized he was drunk. It was a pitiful moment. I can relate to that because my ex has drunk dialed me before. When he's drunk it's very hard to tell what kind of mood he'll be in. Sometimes he's an abusive asshat and other times he'd call and flirt with me. It was very unsettling. My college-aged son is visiting now and he and his dad had a falling out, which I think is one reason my son came here to visit. His dad called at three this morning, drunk on his ass, and made all kinds of stupid threats. Sheesh, I left him sixteen years ago to avoid that kind of crap. Hopefully when he sobers up he'll calm down so we can have a normal, decent, adult conversation with him. When he drunk and in a flirtatious mood he says he wants to come out here for one last hookup and I tell him to get some black coffee in his system. He just laughs.

Anyway, have you ever drunk dialed, drunk e-mailed, or sent a racy text message to the wrong person? If you have tell me in comments!

Posted on July 15, 2010 at 11:36 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

July 14, 2010

I Write Like Chuck Palahnuik

I plugged in what I've written so far on my zombie apocalypse erotic splatterpunk work in progress "Dead Meat", which has welfare cases, crazy neighbors, vibrators, and zombies, and here's how I came out:


I write like
Chuck Palahniuk

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!



Posted on July 14, 2010 at 12:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

July 12, 2010

Obscene Phone Calls

I just finished a short story called "Phone Sex" which is very sick, twisted, and sexy as hell. It has it all - graphic sexual content, sex toys, a fast pace, and twisted story-telling. It's hard core and likely not appropriate for your average erotic romance publisher although the characters do hook up in the end. Hey, demented people need love too, right?

Anyway, I wanted to send it to "Weird Tales" or "Cemetery Dance" but both magazines are closed to submissions at this time. So I'm looking for other appropriate magazines or publishers that are top notch. No more fly-by-night pubs or zines that no one reads for me! When it's finally published I'll post an excerpt and link here, on my Facebook page, and on Twitter. Writing it reminded me of various obscene phone calls I received over the years, especially a series of them when I was fifteen.

At the time, I was a very naive but pretty girl. I had auditioned for my church's rendition of "The Sound Of Music" and I got cast as one of the nuns. So I went to rehearsals excited since this was my first play and I loved theatre. There were lots of boys and young men in the cast and I developed some crushes, but one was a very unhealthy crush. Problem was I didn't know it at the time. I had it bad for the music director, who was a guy named Bob and he must have been in his mid-twenties or so. The girl who had one of the leads was old enough to date him and they went out a few times. She was the only one of us aside of lead actress/director (talk about self-serving!) who had vocal training and she tried to teach me to sing properly. I'd hang out at the piano with her and Bob and I crushed like crazy on him. I'd never dated before let alone kissed a boy so when he began to pay attention to me I was thrilled. I didn't notice his age. I just thought it was cool that the music director noticed I was alive.

In time he wanted to take me out for a burger but I didn't think I could go. Something felt wrong about it anyway. Despite my mixed feelings, I did give him my phone number when he asked for it. We agreed he'd call me at six a. m. and we'd talk. My parents slept on the second floor and I took phone calls in the basement where they couldn't hear me. We talked on the phone early in the morning a few times with him getting more and more ... how do I say it ... forward with me until I felt so uncomfortable I told him I couldn't talk to him anymore. We hung up.

I had a feeling he'd call again anyway so I was waiting at the phone the next morning when he called. I answered but he said nothing. He just breathed into the phone. I told him what he was doing wasn't funny and he only breathed into the phone. I told him he was being silly and I was going to hang up on him if he didn't answer me. He said nothing. Just kept on breathing like that. He creeped me out so I hung up and went back to bed.

The next day he called again and breathed into the phone again. After about a minute I had enough and hung up on him. He didn't call again - or so I thought. Turned out a few days later my parents told me someone had been calling all hours of the night and breathing into the phone. I told them about Bob and the six a. m. phone calls. I'm not sure what happened after that but he never called again. What made it especially sickly ironic for me was that all this happened with a church group!!! While I was dressed for rehearsals as a nun! It just goes to show the pedophiles in the church aren't only after little boys.

I'm an atheist now. No wonder Christianity leaves me cold.

Posted on July 12, 2010 at 02:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack