More On Cougars - Older Men, Younger Women, Mistresses and Married Men

I read the book "Cougar : A Guide For Older Women Dating Younger Men", and it's quite fascinating. I get the impression that many cougars are divorced, middle-aged women who are still, to put it in the words of the author, hot chili peppers. That brings me to older men, in particular married older men who seek mistresses who are much younger than they are.

Most often people hear about the stereotype of the older man dating very young women rather than the other way around. You know the joke - if she were any younger she'd be sperm. I was that very young woman when I was younger, and I today I still attract men who are my age or older. I'm happily married, so I'm not looking for anyone. I can relax, and look at the whole picture.

When I worked as a gaffer (lighting), makeup artist, and scenic artist, I attracted both younger and older men because my job brought me in contact with them, but I preferred the older men. There were three who were younger than me that caught my eye, but I was already getting seriously involved with my eventual husband. If I weren't with my eventual husband, I would have hooked up with one of these guys in particular. He was a few years younger than me, and he was a dead ringer for Legolas in the "Lord of the Rings" movies. Long blonde hair and all. He was also a very good friend.

Onto the older men. Some of the older men were decent sorts, but others were mainly interested in me because of my youth and sexiness. Some were married to women their own age. I was a mistress when I was in college, and I know first-hand some of the unsavory reasons some men prefer women young enough to be their daughters and granddaughters. Due to that experience, I can advise women why they should avoid affairs. I highly recommend not dating a married man. Very bad for you, and for much more than the usual reasons, such as you never get to see him on holidays and you have to meet in secret. These are the same married guys who later divorce and exclusively date women who don't remember the Vietnam War. Granted, not all older men who date younger women are like this, including the ones who are married, but quite a few of them are. I also heard similar stories from my friends who dated older men who acted like this.

Here are a few of the reasons these particular older guys date younger women. Applies whether he is married or unmarried.

* Mid-life crisis

* Thinks his wife doesn't understand him. (She understands him all too well, which is part of his problem.)

* Says his wife won't have sex with him anymore or that sex is lackluster. (Ladies, if you choose to not heed my words aim to be a mistress anyway, don't believe a word of that nonsense. Of course he's screwing his wife. That's a classic line from married men.)

* Likes the competition he purposefully creates between his wife and his mistress or mistresses. Catfights turn him on.

* Loves blow jobs, but refuses to go down on a woman. Cunnilingus is Teh Icky.

* Wants a woman who will hang on his every word, admire him with no strings attached, and tell him what a sexy buck he is even though he's old enough to be her father.

* Wants to impress other people who see this Gorgeous Young Thang hanging on his arm. He wants envious stares from the older men and Church Lady pursed lips from older women, especially older women he wouldn't consider for a second as a dating partner.

*Likes the lack of commitment, but doesn't like it when the same young woman who doesn't want to commit to him openly dates other men - especially men her own age. A married man who thinks this way is full of chutzpah.

* Wants a bevy of young women at his beck and call. Doesn't like it when she wants a bevy of guys at her beck and call. See previous comment.

* Knows damned well that an older, more experienced woman (like a cougar) won't put up with his bullshit, so he seeks a more pliable woman who would be more likely to want to impress him as his fuck buddy.

My relationships with these particular kinds of older men did not last long because I quickly grew weary of the poor treatment. Older women who date younger men are well aware of this kind of treatment they may have received from a man their own age.

I found what Valerie Gibson had to say about why cougars are better off with younger men than they would be with older men amusing, considering my experience with some older men when I dated them while in college. Check out what Gibson had to say about it:

WHAT A COUGAR WON'T GET WITH A YOUNGER MAN

*mid-life crisis

*erectile dysfunction

*a beer belly (The Countess's note: she forgot man boobs and comb-over)

*excuses or "headaches"

*an ex-wife and kids (okay, maybe one) (The Countess's note: watch how he treats his ex-wife. If he treats her like shit or complains about her endlessly, be careful. Should the two of you split, it's likely he will give you the same treatment. I have said this numerous times to second wives who end up getting divorced, and they know I'm right.)

*Viagra (unless it's for fun and extra stimulation)

*objections to condoms

*hair dye (if there's any, change your stylist)

*snoring (if he does you're too exhausted to notice)

*use of toothpicks

*a two-minute "wham-bam-was-it-good-for-you" sexual yawn every Saturday morning

*personal laundry (you send it home with him)

More from Gibson:

WHAT A COUGAR WILL GET WITH A YOUNGER MAN

*enthusiastic oral sex

*multiple orgasms

*public affection

*a flat stomach

*a firm butt

*always-ready sexual equipment

*spontaneity

*stamina

*adoration and appreciation

*admiration (from other cougars)

*someone who looks good every morning (no matter what he did the night before)

*did I mention multiple orgasms?

Notice that these lists tend to be about sex? I noticed. Cougars according to the book are especially interested in the sexual aspect of the relationship, but some cougars I've heard from hooked up with their younger man because they were compatible in many ways. I think that being a cougar is about much more than having hot monkey sex with younger men. At least two I heard from married their younger man. It goes back to what I had first said about cougars - these are older women who are confident, attractive, sexy, intelligent, and comfortable in their own skins. All of those qualities are great to aim for. If you get an attractive, attentive man in the process, regardless of his age, that's icing on the cake.