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April 20, 2009

Nuts4chic: The Hello Kitty Vibrator

This is another reprint of one of my Nuts4chic articles. Enjoy! If you want to buy the Hello Kitty vibrator, look to Amazon for the Hello Kitty massager or check eBay.

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The Gift For The Woman With Everything – The Hello Kitty Vibrator!
by Elizabeth Black

This week, I will talk about the perfect gift for the woman who has everything, but I will warn you – this little gem strikes fear in the hearts of some people.

It's the Hello Kitty vibrator!! She's back after a long absence.

The evil little mouthless one has made her way into your bedroom again! I got the news when one of my sex toys shop colleagues e-mailed me to tell me she carried the little beast.

Hello Kitty has been around forever. I had the purse and notepaper when I was a kid, which was back when dinosaurs roamed the earth. She was aimed towards little girls. My friends and I loved Hello Kitty, although she was getting to be like McDonalds – she was everywhere. You couldn't turn a corner without seeing Hello Kitty mechanical receptionists, a Hello Kitty crop circle, Hello Kitty wedding dresses, Hello Kitty corsets, Hello Kitty everything.

So when did she become sexualized?

The Hello Kitty vibrator is marketed in Japan as a shoulder massage device, but it was inevitable that she has found her way into sex toys store. Vibrators throughout history have been marketed as muscle massagers, but starting in about the 1920s, they were being used as sex toys.

I freaked out the first time I heard of the Hello Kitty vibrator. How did a line aimed at little girls end up attached to a device meant to tickle your genitals? Apparently, over the years, Hello Kitty has turned into a bit of a sexual fetish. Amanda Marcotte at the blog Pandagon remembers the Usenet group alt.sex.hello-kitty, and so do I. (http://pandagon.blogsome.com) She pointed out a hilarious portion of the group's FAQ:

3c) How does Hello Kitty give head?

Alas, Hello Kitty sometimes wishes she had a mouth so she could perform fellatio. However, since she is able to generate powerful suction with her vaginal muscles, she has yet to leave a partner unsatisfied. Hello Kitty is also able to extend and move her labia so that they can “lick ”like a pair of tongues."

3d) How does Hello Kitty eat?

Hello Kitty does not need to eat. Hello Kitty lives on sunshine, fresh air, and lots and lots of hot cum shot up into her pussy.

According to the FAQ, Hello Kitty has "gymnastic genital control" and she can ejaculate when she comes. If you play with that vibrator, you too can be an amazing fuck bunny in bed.

There are rumors on the Internet that there are Hello Kitty condoms, but that is a myth. I'm afraid you'll have to find the festive holiday condoms I talked about in my previous article if you intend to use the Hello Kitty vibrator with a partner.

Posted on April 20, 2009 at 02:48 PM | Permalink

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Comments

Um. No.

Even I'm not that kinky. ;)

Posted by: Rob Graham at Apr 21, 2009 9:14:15 AM

That is deeply, seriously wrong.

Posted by: otherlisa at Apr 23, 2009 2:30:43 AM