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July 27, 2007

Why Do You Have Sex?

This very interesting post at Violet Blue's Tiny Nibbles is well worth the read. [Note: NSFW.] We have sex for many, complex reasons. Too many people believe we have sex for stereotypical and dated reasons, such as "biological imperative and love."

Here is a good read, from Violet Blue, about why we have sex:

The study offers up this taxonomy of sex motivation factors to try to
> categorize them all. They suggest four main categories: Physical (pleasure,
> stress relief, etc.), Emotional (love, commitment, expression), Goals
> (status, revenge), Insecurity (self-esteem boost, duty). The authors admit
> that it's probably incomplete or inadequate. I'm wondering if you see any
> room for improvement/expansion.

It's certainly incomplete, but it's refreshing to see a more complex array than "making babies" or romantic love. I think the biggest thing I see missing from their categories is "Intellectual". Many, many people have sex -- or try new things sexually -- out of curiosity. And sport: competition, satisfaction, achievement. Porn performers have sex for work, but on a personal level for most of them it's a sport on and off the clock. Also, for the significant number of people with sexual fetishes (from mild to wild), it satisfies them intellectually on many levels. And let's add to the emotional list -- comfort. remember 9/11 sex? And don't forget duty. People will have sex because they think they should, or it's part of their responsibilities.

> What are some counter-intuitive, non-obvious reasons that people have sex in
> your experience?

As an expression of grief. To look cool for their friends. To stay with their partner (infidelity: getting it "out of their system").

I have had sex for many reasons, both good and bad. Most of my sexual encounters were while I was in college, and they were with men. I feel a need to emphasize that because these kinds of "why do you have sex" questions too often focus on straight people.

I was attracted to one guy, and I wanted him in my bed. I got him there. Pure and simple.

In another case, he was fun and I was curious. I wanted to have a good time, and so did he. We did, and I remember him fondly to this day.

In two cases I thought I was in love. I might have been, and it was an immature love. But it was love.

I was attracted to another man's status, and he made me feel sexy because he noticed me and was attracted to me physically.

In one case that, looking back on it now, I realize was rape, I had sex with him to get him away from me, and to prevent being seriously injured if I resisted. Thankfully he was so drunk that he couldn't finish was he was doing. I managed to survive that one intact. I did not want to see him again, and I was able to get rid of him on our next "date" by telling him, in the car when we came to pick me up, that I couldn't go out that night because I needed to study for a test. He got mad at me, for ruining his conquest and having the audacity to have a life in front of him, and he drove off. I never saw him again. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Most of the time, I have sex because I want to. It feels good. What are some of the reasons you have sex? Feel free to answer in comments. You can post as "anonymous" if you like.

Posted on July 27, 2007 at 03:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Yes, Tonight Honey. I Have A Headache.

If you have a headache, does sex make it better or worse? I haven't had a headache in a long time, but when I had an especially bad head-banger, sex made it worse. I think it's all that blood trying to flow through those tense blood vessels. Sometimes sex made a headache go away, but most of the time it didn't. Plus I used to get migraines so bad that I'd feel nauseous while I had them. They were stress headaches.

Apparently, a new study in Health Magazine says I'm an anomaly. It's all about seratonin: "...seratonin nerves in the brain are less active during a migraine attack. Boost their activity and the pain improves."

You also need to have an orgasm for the sex to do away with the headache. Other studies have shown that migraine patients have bigger sex drives. Well, I'm proof positive for that one. Heh.

At least I know that the ache in the little head goes away with a good romp in the hay. Grin

Posted on July 27, 2007 at 03:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

July 22, 2007

Excedrin Won't Make A Dent In This

I have had "Puttin' On The Ritz" sung by Peter Boyle and Gene Wilder from "Young Frankenstein" stuck in my head since early this morning. NOTHING will make it go away! I am now listening to the Tomb Raider Anniversary game soundtrack, and I can still hear Boyle shrieking "Puttin' On The Ritz" in the background.

Ever get a song stuck in your head? What was it? Tell me about it in comments.

Posted on July 22, 2007 at 01:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Conferences And Books Ending Up In Landfills

This post from Romancing The Blog disturbed me very much. Apparently, a big problem with the Romance Writers Association conference and Romantic Times conference is that discarded books are not being sent to libraries or to charities. They are thrown away. I'm talking hundreds of thousands of new books. When a writer goes to these conventions, she is given lots of books over the weekend. Plus, she is handing out copies of her own books to convention-goers. By the end of the weekend, she has so many new books that shipping them will be very costly. So, she goes through her books, keeps the ones she is very interested in, and is left with the ones she doesn't want.

What to do with them?

Some donate them as tips to the maids. I doubt the maids appreciate this. Others just leave them on tables with the understanding that they will be donated to charity or that a local person will donate them to the library.

Most of the books don't end up in either a library or a charity. They are dumped in landfills. Thousands of new books that go unread.

I took interest in this since my book comes out in January. It's an e-book, so I won't have to worry about my book being thrown out, but it's sad that so many books end up suffering that fate. I will have bookmarks and postcards advertising my book. Those are small and portable and are less likely to be thrown away. The prospective reader can follow the directions on the bookmark or postcard to go online and buy my book from Twilight Fantasies.

Commenters are making suggestions. Two suggested donating the books to the Navy. Others are writing to the romance organization's leaders to find ways to deal with this problem.

Posted on July 22, 2007 at 01:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

More On Cougars - Older Men, Younger Women, Mistresses and Married Men

I'm reading the book "Cougar : A Guide For Older Women Dating Younger Men", and it's quite fascinating. I get the impression that many cougars are divorced, middle-aged women who are still, to put it in the words of the author, hot chili peppers. That brings me to older men, in particular married older men who seek mistresses who are much younger than they are.

Most often people hear about the stereotype of the older man dating very young women rather than the other way around. You know the joke - if she were any younger she'd be sperm. I was that very young woman when I was younger, and I today I still attract men who are my age or older. I'm happily married, so I'm not looking for anyone. I can relax, and look at the whole picture.

When I worked as a gaffer (lighting), makeup artist, and scenic artist, I attracted both younger and older men because my job brought me in contact with them, but I preferred the older men. There were three who were younger than me that caught my eye, but I was already getting seriously involved with my eventual husband. If I weren't with my eventual husband, I would have hooked up with one of these guys in particular. He was a few years younger than me, and he was a dead ringer for Legolas in the "Lord of the Rings" movies. Long blonde hair and all. He was also a very good friend.

Onto the older men. Some of the older men were decent sorts, but others were mainly interested in me because of my youth and sexiness. Some were married to women their own age. I was a mistress when I was in college, and I know first-hand some of the unsavory reasons some men prefer women young enough to be their daughters and granddaughters. Due to that experience, I can advise women why they should avoid affairs. I highly recommend not dating a married man. Very bad for you, and for much more than the usual reasons, such as you never get to see him on holidays and you have to meet in secret. These are the same married guys who later divorce and exclusively date women who don't remember the Vietnam War. Granted, not all older men who date younger women are like this, including the ones who are married, but quite a few of them are. I also heard similar stories from my friends who dated older men who acted like this.

Here are a few of the reasons these particular older guys date younger women. Applies whether he is married or unmarried.

* Mid-life crisis

* Thinks his wife doesn't understand him. (She understands him all too well, which is part of his problem.)

* Says his wife won't have sex with him anymore or that sex is lackluster. (Ladies, if you choose to not heed my words aim to be a mistress anyway, don't believe a word of that nonsense. Of course he's screwing his wife. That's a classic line from married men.)

* Likes the competition he purposefully creates between his wife and his mistress or mistresses. Catfights turn him on.

* Loves blow jobs, but refuses to go down on a woman. Cunnilingus is Teh Icky.

* Wants a woman who will hang on his every word, admire him with no strings attached, and tell him what a sexy buck he is even though he's old enough to be her father.

* Wants to impress other people who see this Gorgeous Young Thang hanging on his arm. He wants envious stares from the older men and Church Lady pursed lips from older women, especially older women he wouldn't consider for a second as a dating partner.

*Likes the lack of commitment, but doesn't like it when the same young woman who doesn't want to commit to him openly dates other men - especially men her own age. A married man who thinks this way is full of chutzpah.

* Wants a bevy of young women at his beck and call. Doesn't like it when she wants a bevy of guys at her beck and call. See previous comment.

* Knows damned well that an older, more experienced woman (like a cougar) won't put up with his bullshit, so he seeks a more pliable woman who would be more likely to want to impress him as his fuck buddy.

My relationships with these particular kinds of older men did not last long because I quickly grew weary of the poor treatment. Older women who date younger men are well aware of this kind of treatment they may have received from a man their own age.

I found what Valerie Gibson had to say about why cougars are better off with younger men than they would be with older men amusing, considering my experience with some older men when I dated them while in college. Check out what Gibson had to say about it:


*mid-life crisis

*erectile dysfunction

*a beer belly (Trish's note: she forgot man boobs and comb-over)

*excuses or "headaches"

*an ex-wife and kids (okay, maybe one) (Trish's note: watch how he treats his ex-wife. If he treats her like shit or complains about her endlessly, be careful. Should the two of you split, it's likely he will give you the same treatment. I have said this numerous times to second wives who end up getting divorced, and they know I'm right.)

*Viagra (unless it's for fun and extra stimulation)

*objections to condoms

*hair dye (if there's any, change your stylist)

*snoring (if he does you're too exhausted to notice)

*use of toothpicks

*a two-minute "wham-bam-was-it-good-for-you" sexual yawn every Saturday morning

*personal laundry (you send it home with him)

More from Gibson:


*enthusiastic oral sex

*multiple orgasms

*public affection

*a flat stomach

*a firm butt

*always-ready sexual equipment



*adoration and appreciation

*admiration (from other cougars)

*someone who looks good every morning (no matter what he did the night before)

*did I mention multiple orgasms?

Notice that these lists tend to be about sex? I noticed. Cougars according to the book are especially interested in the sexual aspect of the relationship, but some cougars I've heard from hooked up with their younger man because they were compatible in many ways. I think that being a cougar is about much more than having hot monkey sex with younger men. At least two I heard from married their younger man. It goes back to what I had first said about cougars - these are older women who are confident, attractive, sexy, intelligent, and comfortable in their own skins. All of those qualities are great to aim for. If you get an attractive, attentive man in the process, regardless of his age, that's icing on the cake.

Posted on July 22, 2007 at 12:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

July 21, 2007

I Wanted To Be Monorail Cat, But That One Wasn't Available

I think I got the best Lolcat of all. Second choice would have been Ceiling Cat. Third: Sad Cookie Cat.

Your Score: Cheezburger cat

55% Affectionate, 56% Excitable, 64% Hungry

Sure, you deserve one. You helped popularized lolcats from a running gag to an online sensation. Now mainstream media writes asinine columns on this 'phenomenon', students write theses on the topic, programming languages adopt the grammar, and losers write tests about them on dating sites. Now take your cheezburger and never touch the internets again.

To see all possible results, checka dis

Link: The Which Lolcat Are You? Test written by GumOtaku on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Posted on July 21, 2007 at 03:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The Turn Of The Screw

One of my favorite movies of all time aired last night on AMC - "The Innocents", starring Deborah Kerr as the governess. I first saw this movie when I was about twelve years old, and I loved it. I immediately ran to the library (okay... my mom drove me), and I found the book upon which it was based - "The Turn Of The Screw", by Henry James. I devoured it. The book was actually two books. The second book was "Daily Miller", and I devoured that one as well. I like dark, sexually repressive horror novels set at the turn of the century, and "The Turn Of The Screw" is one of the best.

The novel is about a young governess who is sent to an isolated country home to watch over two children, Miles and Flora. The former governess, Miss Jessel, drowned in the lake on the property. Peter Quint, whom I believe was a gardner/handyman, was Jessel's lover. Quint was a rather unsavory character. He also died. Flora was very close to Miss Jessel, and Miles was very close to Quint. When the governess stays at the country home with the children, she realizes that the place is haunted by Jessel and Quint. Both want to take over the children so that they may be together again. The governess feels she must do everything she can to stop this. The way the story works, you don't know if the country home is really haunted or if the governess, with her repressed sexuality popular in these kinds of stories, has fabricated and imagined the events. Of course, the story ends badly, which is also common in these kinds of tales.

I'm going to enjoy the rest of the movie now. Miles and Flora were such odd children.

Posted on July 21, 2007 at 02:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

This Has To Be The Dumbest Advice I've Seen Yet

It's from Askmen.com, which doesn't surprise me. Sally is a 29 year old ferret owner who answers a few questions about sex. Owning an unusual pet is the gimmick chosen by askmen.com for this Q & A session. Most of the answers were supposed to be silly, lightweight, harmless fun that didn't concern me much, but this one bothered me:

Q: How can I warn my partner that I have my period without ruining the mood?

Just give him a bl*w job. If he isn't exhausted afterward, then give him another one. No need to talk about it at all. Everyone wins.

No, he wins. He gets his rocks off. What about her? Is it her job to suck his dick and not expect to have her needs met when she's having her period?

I like what the guy who owns a flying squirrel had to say. He's on the next page. He figures anytime is okay as long as it's not right in the middle of cunnilingus. That sounds about right. Good and considerate.

Plus he owns a flying squirrel. That's something you don't see every day.

Posted on July 21, 2007 at 01:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Perfect For Caturday!!

Okay, so I'm a day late with this, but today is Caturday, so cat posts are still perfect.

You Would Be a Pet Cat
Independent and aloof, you don't like to be dependent on anyone.
And as for other people, you can take them or leave them. You often don't care.
You live your life by your own rules. And you have deep motivations that no one truly understands.

Why you would make a great pet: You're not needy or greedy... unlike other four legged friends.

Why you would make a bad pet: You're not exactly running down to greet people at the door

What you would love about being a cat: Agility and freedom

What you would hate about being a cat: Being treated like a dog by clueless humans
What Kind of Pet Would You Be?

Posted on July 21, 2007 at 01:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

July 20, 2007

Sex In The Virtual World - Computer Games

Update: July 21, 2007: I asked The Count about Second Life, and he warned me to stay away from it. My readers may recall that The Count used to work in the game industry. I didn't know that people used real money to play this game. They buy and sell items in the game with their own money!!! This game costs money! It's as if they want you to buy a performance bond to play! I can't afford to do that; besides, I don't want to spend my own money in a game. If I were savvy enough, I could make money designing cool stuff for the game, but The Count told me that the IRS has Second Life in its crosshairs. People are making money from the game, and the IRS wants its cut of the moolah. I will definitely avoid this game, and go back to setting my Sims on fire.


Everyone probably already knows about the nude patches for The Sims. You can also pull the bed out from under your Sims with a cheat code if you can convince your horny Sims to get some nooky in bed. I remember reading of some MMORPGs having problems with groups being oriented towards sex play.

Now, someone playing the online game Second Life has filed suit against another player - for copying a sex bed, which violates copyright. According to an article about the case, "Kevin Alderman operates Eros LLC, a maker of 'adult' items such as the SexGen bed, a piece of virtual furniture that allows Second Life users to simulate more than 150 sex acts. The bed retails for 12,000 Linden dollars ($46). The 'John Doe' lawsuit accuses Volkov Catteneo of unlawfully copying the SexGen bed and selling it on for approximately 4,000 Linden dollars. The beds are sold as 'no-copy' objects, which means that avatars can use them but should not be able to copy them. Alderman has insisted that he does not know how a version of the SexGen bed which can be copied became available."

I have heard of Second Life, but I had no interest in playing it. I prefer to play God when I play with my Sims. I set them on fire. Electrocute them. Drown them. Get them into love triangles. Have them live with people they hate. All in all, good, honest fun.

The only reason the Second Life/SexGen bed caught my attention is because your avatar can engage in 150 different sex acts. Wow. 150? That beats the Kama Sutra. I looked at the Second Life site to get a better grip on what kinds of sex acts can be done on this bed. I found one bed that has 14 cuddle and 13 sex animations - whatever that means.

I found more.

One bed going for L$999 (I think that's virtual money) has 62 cuddle and sex animations, including doggy, 69, blowjob, missionary, taste, ride, and cowgirl.

Another bed included various positions for sex, bondage, and cuddling.

I'm going to take a second look at this game, if you can really do all that stuff. Does anyone who is reading play Second Life? If you do, can you give more information about how the SexGen bed works, and what else is fun about the game? Is it a live game, where you get to create an avatar?

Posted on July 20, 2007 at 02:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)