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August 02, 2006
Media Distortions By Father's Rights Activists
I received a lot of e-mail from people telling me about Glenn Sacks's reaction to my Grand Forks Herald column Don't Force "Shared Parenting" On Children. My column was a response to misrepresentations Sacks and co-writer Mike McCormick had written about shared parenting.
As expected, Sacks responded with more misrepresentations. It's rather telling if you can't support your position with the truth. If you can only support your position with more misrepresentations, that doesn't say much for the validity of your position.
The National Network On Family Law Policy responded to Sacks's complaints about criticism of his and McCormick's column. Here it is, below.
Media Distortions by Fathers' Rights Advocates
Glenn Sacks has complained about recent responses to his and other fathers' rights advocates' comments about joint custody. In one of his columns of August 1, 2006, " Feminist Columnist Slams Glenn, ACFC Over North Dakota Shared Parenting Initiative," he attacks Trish Wilson's recent commentary with distortions and misrepresentations.
One has to wonder: if the facts have to be distorted to make your case, isn't that a clue that perhaps your conclusions are incorrect?
The joint custody advocates' primary claim is that men are not being treated equally as parents by the courts. But let's look at what that word "equality" actually means in the law, and not the propaganda and rhetoric.
"Equality before the law" means that persons who are in similar positions will be treated similarly. Thus, for example, if a father is a child's primary caregiver, that fact will be given the same weight as it would if a mother is a child's primary caregiver. And, for example, if a husband is a dependent homemaker spouse, he would be as entitled to alimony as a wife in the same position.
However, a contrived equality of outcome when persons come before the law in dissimilar positions would be tantamount to disparate treatment. It would require taking persons who were not equally situated and treating them differently in order to effect "equality." That's not what "equality under the law" means; in fact it's the anti-thesis of it.
Leaning on his erroneous premise of "equality," Sacks criticizes Wilson's point that "ninety percent of parents settle without the need for court intervention in deciding what form of custody is best for them and for their children." Sacks claims that her "statement is misleading because it implies genuine agreement between parents." Sacks writes that "such accords aren't made in a vacuum -- they're bargained in the shadow of the law. What happens in most cases is that fathers must agree to having a very limited role in their children's lives because they don't have the tens of thousands of dollars (or more) necessary to fight for shared parenting in family law proceedings which are heavily stacked against them."
But Sacks's position is specious. Not only are the fathers coming into court without a marital track record of having been equal carers of the children and household, but when it comes to litigation, it is the men who generally have greater access to funds to litigate, more time to litigate, and more sophistication and ability to network, hire lawyers, and make a case. And be this as it may, the reality is that most men simply don't want joint custody. They don't want it for the very same reasons they were not doing half or more of the housework and childcare when they were married. Their careers and habits don't suddenly alter merely because they are getting divorced. And that's why the vast majority leave "custody" where it de facto was during the marriage, changing as little as possible in their and their children's lives.
Sacks also criticizes Wilson's statement that "when dads make an issue of custody, they get some form of it more than half the time." This was the finding of every single state gender bias commission who looked at the issue (there were 40 of them.) Sacks pretends that Wilson's statement is based on one small study of 60 women, and purports to debunk that as nonrepresentative. But it wasn't. The reality simply is not debatable. Sacks also claims that the Massachusetts gender bias task force findings by lawyers and scholars have been discredited, based on speculations made by libertarian men's rights journalist Cathy Young in an opinion piece. But she did not get her facts right or conclusions correct then. Repeatedly citing to secondary opinion sources that were wrong to begin with is not tantamount to documentation. It doesn't matter how many times a claim is made, such distortions just do not gain veracity with repetition, any more than the children's game of telephone.
The reasons mothers more often end up with custody after divorce encompass all of the same reasons that mothers end up being the majority of child caregivers and homemakers while marriages are intact.
To the extent the factors moving this include bias, it's bias that's occurred long before anything that ever happens in connection with a divorce. In fact, that more men post divorce end up with far more custody time than they ever spent caregiving, homemaking, or with their children during their marriages attests to a divorce court bias that far and away favors fathers.
Posted on August 2, 2006 at 02:50 PM | Permalink
Comments
Glenn Sacks own associate Jeffrey Leving obviously disagrees with him, as Leving just a short time ago, was campaigning to get EVERY custody/parenting agreement, even if voluntarily reached, to be court reviewed...every one.
So clearly if Leving believed as Sacks claims that courts are biased against fathers why in the heck would he be trying to get every single custody agreement to be court-approved.
Leving obviously realizes that men BENEFIT from court intervention...
Posted by: NYMOM at Aug 3, 2006 12:30:10 AM
The inability of both "sides" of this issue to see beyond their own perspective continues to make me want to scream.
I started out as a 1000% fathers rights activist. Then, after law school, I spent a year as a law clerk in the Family Court in 1996 and "got" something that y'all need to get. There are two legitimate sides here, more than enough injustice to go around, and our court system is semi-competent at best at figuring it out.
Yes, PAS is real. Either through malice or (more frequently) an inability to draw emotional boundaries and accept that kids also loving the other parent isn't a betrayal, a custodial parent has the power to impart their emotional baggage and ..."lack of love"... for the other parent upon kids who look to them for guidance and support. The emotional anguish - the hell - that good parents who love their kids go through when kids are turned against them cannot be described and is the legitimate motivation for most people in noncustodial parents' (a/k/a fathers rights, children's rights, etc) groups. They are, by and large, not motivated by misogynistic right-wing control issues.
Yes, PAS is also claimed by abusive, controlling jerks whose kids reject them because they're abusive controlling jerks. I've seen it. And, what seems to go hand in hand with this is an inability for said jerks to see that they're jerks and a belief the kids must have been poisoned against them. Complaints that PAS is falsely claimed by abusers are not generally motivated by misandrist left-wing control issues.
Is there gender bias against dads? There is in NJ. In just one recent example, I represented a dad where mom should be in an institution. Physical and constant verbal abuse of the kids. I advise him to tape, since it's all better to prove something than to simply allege it. Dad gets mom on tape threatening "to kill" (not meant literally) the kids if they didn't say the right thing to a DYFS worker who was on her way over as a result of a report made by the kids' school. The judge, on hearing said tape, was "sympathetic to the explanation" (her words) that dad may not have taped the whole exchange. When I asked what possibly could precede a threat against kids to "tell DYFS everything is fine or I'll kill you", the judge simply ignored the question. Gender bias? Yah, even if the system is better than it once was, it's there.
Yes, the child support system is unfair and incompetent. I've gotten 20+ people out of jail on emergent appeals who PLAINLY had no ability to pay the "release amount" set for them by an often arbitrary and harsh system that believes every obligor has a deep pocket and is running a scam and willfully refusing to comply. In the last year, I had two people put IN jail who plainly had the money and refused to support their kids - it took too long and too much proof before the system, which seems to be afraid of enforcing its own orders, would act and lock them up until they paid (which they did - within 24 hours - from their own funds - over $5000 each). The CS guidelines are a joke, providing either an unearned paycheck for a "meal ticket mom" that WELL exceeds one parent's share of the actual cost of raising kids -- or -- doesn't cover enough to permit a kid to have something approaching the lifestyle once enjoyed. But what to do? Get rid of guidelines and go back to an arbitrary system of judges guessing how much is fair?
Are there nuts and jerks on both sides? How's this - someone used my name to send an email with extremely foul language that I don't use and making pro-Republican comments to Liz Something I Can't Remember. Whoever sent it was a nut cake jerk off. When I was told about it a few months ago, I wrote Liz and sent her an email from my webmaster showing that I've never used the domain that the email came from. Liz nonetheless refuses to remove it. She's apparently a nut cake jerk off whose about to get sued for defamation. Get it? Plenty of nut cake jerk offs on both sides here.
Anyway, to the point - a presumption of shared parenting and "equality before the law." Using the Countess' gender assumptions - if a dad stays home and takes care of kids, and mom comes home every night and sees them, then mom is seeing her kids every day (at least at the end of the day and maybe also at breakfast). When dad and mom get divorced, why should mom suddenly become a weekend parent? More importantly, why should the kids lose out on seeing both parents regularly? Even NJ now recognizes
The "equality under the law" analysis in the article above (meaning presumably that dad would get custody and mom would a visitor) only makes sense to someone who is an EXTREME advocate. Legally, this is not ""equality under the law" - this is "maintaining the status quo."
The reality, in NJ anyway, is that if either parent has been reasonably involved with the kids prior to separation, has flexible enough employment requirements, and has an interest in it, shared parenting can be obtained if said parent has good counsel from early on in the process. In the last five years, I can honestly say that no one who came to me and said "we're on the road to divorce and I want shared parenting" has ended up with anything less. And, yes -- usually by consent. At LEAST 90% of the time. We need the statute because there are judges like the one cited above on the bench - I practice in a couple of good counties, but there are bad counties and there are bad, gender-biased judges in other counties. A child's right to his/her parents and a parent's right to his/her child should turn on the luck of what county they live in, but reality is that it does and that a statute with a presumption of shared custody would help.
That said, yes, there are parents who abuse the system and who would abuse a shared parenting presumption and seek more time with kids to exert control or reduce child support. But, in my experience, said parents don't end up USING the extra time, and the other parent returns to court and gets the de facto modification made into an order and a retroactive increase in support.
I'd go on, but it's 2:48 am
CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?
Posted by: David Perry Davis, Esq. at Aug 13, 2006 2:47:22 AM
That's funny how ALL the comments ended at David Perry!
Posted by: BloggerNoggin at Aug 16, 2006 11:11:17 PM
That's funny how ALL the comments ended at David Perry!
Posted by: BloggerNoggin at Aug 16, 2006 11:12:00 PM
"Yes, PAS is real. Either through malice or (more frequently) an inability to draw emotional boundaries and accept that kids also loving the other parent isn't a betrayal, a custodial parent has the power to impart their emotional baggage and ..."lack of love"... for the other parent upon kids who look to them for guidance and support."
This has nothing to do with love and/or guidance and support.
In fact MOST of these custody fights are about money. As you never even HEARD of this stuff back in the 70s, for instance, and the divorce rate was even HIGHER then and most mothers had defacto custody of their kids, as few fathers bothered going to court to fight for custody.
They simply weren't interested. AND that's pretty much the history of custody if you really investigate it...FEW families saw the inside of a courthouse to decide custody before child support became an issue.
NOW with the advent of higher child support guidelines and stricter enforcement everybody and his grandmother is in court fighting for custody...it's definitely related, one to the other.
Quite simply we have made the custody of children today worth substantial sums of money to people and until we change that, we are going to continue seeing these endless custody wars...
So let's solve the child support problem, everything else will fall into place.
Posted by: NYMOM at Aug 17, 2006 7:19:39 AM
YOu know, Perry, you lost the minute you started defending PAS. So women lie about their babydaddies but men don't?
Posted by: ginmar at Aug 28, 2006 12:02:18 PM
My husband was a victim of paternity fraud and I have personally seen the devastating effects of PAS, so yes, it is VERY real! In cases of paternity fraud it is neither the father or child's fault that they were lied to . . . therein the blame lies solely with the mothers that choose to mislead not only men but their own children into believing something that is simply not true. It is my belief that most men do not ask for paternity tests because they are afraid that it will be held against them and seem that they are looking for an easy way out when there are a lot of men that are willing to accept the responsibilty that has been put before them. I pray every day that one day paternity tests will be made mandatory and that all women will have to stand accountable for their indiscretions not only for men's sake but more importantly for the sake of their children. As for the best interests of the child . . . in no way shape or form do I believe that it is in the best interests of a child to be lied to by their mother's and every child should have the right to know who their biological father's are. We talk about men taking the easy way out and call them jerks and deadbeats when the children they raise turn out not to be theirs when they are only trying to take care of their responsibilities but what do we call a woman that intentionally misleads a man into beliving that children are theirs when there is a chance that they may not be and convincing their children to call men "daddy" fully knowing that they may very well be wrong?
Posted by: Lioness at Sep 2, 2006 12:27:18 PM
"but what do we call a woman that intentionally misleads a man into beliving that children are theirs when there is a chance that they may not be and convincing their children to call men "daddy" fully knowing that they may very well be wrong?"
The Minority.
Posted by: pheeno at Sep 6, 2006 3:55:20 AM
Q:
And what do we call the minority of men who act out badly?
A:
The Father's Rights Movement. LOL
Posted by: Wacko at Sep 6, 2006 9:04:50 AM
The men acting badly formed it.
Posted by: pheeno at Sep 6, 2006 1:41:01 PM
You got proof hunny? Many Father's groups, you gor prove they'll wrong. This minority is 100% female no?
Posted by: rebia at Sep 6, 2006 2:09:33 PM
The proof can be found all over this site alone. Given your grasp of english, you might not have realized that yet.
"you gor prove they'll wrong."
What does that even mean?
Posted by: pheeno at Sep 6, 2006 7:04:10 PM
"but what do we call a woman that intentionally misleads a man into beliving that children are theirs when there is a chance that they may not be and convincing their children to call men "daddy" fully knowing that they may very well be wrong?"
The Minority."
Now THIS is funny.
But a rarity would be even funnier.
Posted by: NYMOM at Sep 6, 2006 9:51:07 PM











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